big win for mayor elect

Houston Mayor-elect Annise Parker

celebrates her runoff election victory

with her partner of 19 years, Kathy Hubbard (in purple)

I love to see a woman beat a man make history. Especially when that woman is a lesbian.

In this case, Annise Parker was the first openly lesbian woman to be elected mayor of an American metropolis: Houston.

Every now and again the citizens of Texas get it right.

I also love to see it when history making members of the GLBT community show that they, too, cherish loving, longterm committments. Parker and her partner have been together 19 years. They have two children.

Why their two children are denied married parents doesn't make any sense to me. Kids of gay parents have it tough enough, don't they?

Take Mason, for instance, a young Austin resident who spoke before a public crowd to say he gets teased at school. You don't come from a "real family," is one taunt he's had to endure. And as research has now shown, there are psychological consequences of denying gay rights.

But in order for Parker to win the Houston election, she had to make some political and very personal concessions. During a campaign debate she stated she would not push for same-sex partner benefits for Houston's city workers. Denying health insurance for her very own wife partner.

“Personally it’s very important,” she was quoted as saying, “but, as mayor of Houston, do I want to engage resources in fighting that battle, or do I want to tackle the budget? Do I want to tackle drainage? Do I want to try to put more police officers on the street? It’s the difference between the personal and what this city needs.”

One step at a time.

the heartland DOES have a heart

On Friday, the Iowa Supreme Court unanimously ruled to allow same-sex marriage to stand.

"Basic fairness and constitutional equal protection were the linchpins of Friday’s historic Iowa Supreme Court ruling that overturned a 10-year-old ban on same-sex marriage and puts Iowa squarely in the center of the nation’s debate over gay rights."

Read the full story in the DesMoines Register, here.

And if there are any Iowa readers who wish to support same sex marriage rights? Click here for instructions to contact Governor Culver and tell him how you feel.

stop raining on our rainbow

Is there a limit on how many times one little blogger can link to much bigger blogger in a week's time?

No?

Good.

According to Andrew Sullivan's Daily Dish, this quote was overheard at a Prop 8 rally:

"There's no such thing as same-sex marriage. Sex is never the same after marriage."

Still, it's hard to joke about something that hurts those who stand the most to gain, or lose, by these legislative initiatives intended to restrict gays and lesbians from marrying.

New research confirms what most of us suspect and many of us know first hand: anti-same-sex marriage measures lead to increased psychological stress and anxiety for GLBT individuals and members of their families.

In one study GLBT persons were interviewed in depth about their reactions to anti-gay marriage proposals. In another study family members were questioned.

Several themes emerged. Respondents reported a range of unpleasant experiences. Many felt baffled, fearful, alienated and inferior or as "less than human by our government and public."

People were afraid of such serious things as being physically attacked. Others reported fears of losing custody of their children.

Another study compared individuals living in a state where anti-gay marriage amendments passed compared to those states where there wasn't an amendment on the ballot. As predicted, GLBT people whose fellow citizens voted to ban same-sex marriage reported higher levels of psychological distress compared to those living in states where no amendment was on the ballot.

There is a silver lining: Social support helps. Expressions of concern and encouragement from loved ones and members of supportive groups helped relieve some of the anxieties and fear.

Hence my decision to post about these studies. To show that even boring, straight people who take married life for granted stand behind the right of all Americans, no matter their sexual orientation, to be treated fairly under our laws.

The three studies discussed are listed below. You can click on the highlighted links to read the full articles.

“Marriage Amendments and Psychological Distress in Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual (LGB) Adults,” Sharon Scales Rostosky, Ph.D., and Ellen D.B. Riggle, Ph.D., University of Kentucky; Sharon G. Horne, Ph.D., University of Memphis; and Angela D. Miller, Ph.D., University of Kansas; Journal of Counseling Psychology, Vol. 56, No. 1.

“Balancing Dangers: GLBT Experience in a Time of Anti-GLBT Legislation,” Heidi M. Levitt, Ph.D., Elin Ovrebo, M.S., Mollie B. Anderson-Cleveland, B.S., Christina Leone, M.S., Jae Y. Jeong, M.S., Jennifer R. Arm, M.S., Beth P. Bonin, B.S., John Cicala, M.B.A., Rachel Coleman, M.S., Anna Laurie, M.S., James M., Vardaman, M.B.A., & Sharon G. Horne, Ph.D., Journal of Counseling Psychology, Vol. 56, No. 1.

“Negotiating connection to GLBT experience: Family members' experience of anti-GLBT movements and policies,” Jennifer R. Arm, M.S., Sharon G. Horne, Ph.D., and Heidi M. Levitt, Ph.D., The University of Memphis; Journal of Counseling Psychology, Vol. 56, No. 1.

Image source, here.

show true compassion on valentine's day

Say no to divorce.

Theirs.

Because, like yours and mine, these kids deserve to have married parents, too.

Cheri at BlogThisMom lovingly shared pictures of her good friends Chris and Bill, and their beautiful children. She then asked her readers if we believe this family deserves the same legal protection under the law that any other family is entitled to. This reader absolutely does. So I clicked over to sign the petition.

Please do the same. And hurry! Submission deadline is February 14, 2009.

image 1 found here
imiage 2 found here

dishonor roll

Californians Against Hate (CAH) is a group dedicated to "out" those who contribute money to the cause of denying same sex marriage rights. CAH recently published their "Dishonor Roll," a list of individuals, companies, and organizations who donated big dollars ($5000 or more) in the effort to help pass Proposition 8. Check out the list, Californians in particular. Boycott where applicable; shake your head in disapproval where your consumer power isn't.

Here's an example, according to CAH,

"San Diego businessman Terry Caster, who owns A-1 Self Storage Company was California’s 2nd biggest individual contributor to the Yes on 8 campaign. Caster and his family gave nearly $700,000 to Yes on 8, including $400,000 just five days before the election."

Thanks to Andrew Sullivan at the Daily Dish for posting the link first and to my friend J for sending me the email. And To Form a More Perfect Union for the pic.

protesting prop 8

I took my teenage son and his friend to Saturday's protest rally opposing Proposition 8. My son's friend was hesitant. "What if there is violence?" "The people there will think I'm a lesbian." But in the end, she came along. It was a great feeling for me. For my child and his friend to see so many strong, outspoken, positive members of the GLBT community. To be reminded that the push for same-sex marriage isn't just about two adults who love each other and want to share in a lifelong committment as well as enjoy the rights and priviledges that come with it. No, it's not just that. There are the children. Like Mason. Who just want what other families get to have: Married parents.

Mason is a 10 year old who spoke with all the command of a veteran speech maker. Mason has two moms. He said kids at school tell him his is not "a real family." That his family is "weird." He announced that only 23% of families in our nation are comprised of the traditional nuclear family: a married mom, dad and their kids. "My math teacher tells me that's a minority!" The crowd roared. I cried.

All three of us bought this t-shirt to celebrate the day from EqualityTexas, to contribute to the cause, and to help this dream of equality become a reality.

It was also very cool to know that I was standing in unity with some of my bloggy friends: Jenn , Cheri, Kelli, QueersUnited, and DebOnTheRocks. Anyone else attend? Leave a link and I'll include you in my list.

Thanks to austinistdotcom's photostream for posting their Prop 8 Protest pictures to flickr, allowing this slacker mom, who left her camera at home, to post all of the pictures you are seeing to her blog:

Protest Prop 8 This Saturday

Saturday
November 15, 2008

1:30 PM East Coast
12:30 PM Central
11:30 AM Mountain
10:30 AM West Coast

Thank you, Cheri at BlogThisMom, for making me aware that even in a red state like Texas, I can do some small part, Be the Change and help protest the passage of California's Proposition 8.

Want to show your support for LGBT individuals' right to marry? Join the Impact. Find your state here and do your part.

same sex marriage can strengthen traditional marriage

Opponents of same sex marriage argue largely based on fear. You can get a general idea here on my blog, or at Queers United here. One frequently heard argument is that it will somehow subvert or weaken the institution of marriage. I've never quite heard a sound basis for this reasoning. I truly have not a clue how two same sex adults marrying has any impact on anyone else considering marriage. When you're in love, you're in love.

Fighting fire with fire, I offer an argument in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage based on an idea I haven't heard proponents use. I predict that gay marriage can strengthen traditional heterosexual marriage, at least indirectly.

The right to marry is one large step toward acceptance. Eventually this increased tolerance will lead to more gays and lesbians coming out earlier, which will in turn lead to fewer deceptive marriages. Hetero brides and grooms can feel more confident when they tie the knot that they are marrying a bonified straight person rather than a closeted gay person who is using marriage:

a. to go straight,

b. to hide deeper in the closet, or

c. to convince themselves that their homosexual inclinations are insignificant.

Or some combination thereof.

Legal same sex marriage may mean, then, that hetero-wanna-bes, hetero-fakers, or those who have unwittingly stifled their true sexual identities will be less likely to carry out the facade of a man-woman marriage. Instead they will live authentic lives pursuing the partner of their true desire.

Fewer sham marriages equals fewer divorces equals fewer disillusioned spouses and shattered children coping with the fallout.

One such sham marriage happened to a friend. Many years and tears later, they divorced. She is still in shock. He is still in denial. Or more accurately, he continues to deny. Fortunately, in this case, no children were involved.

I want to underscore that I believe in gays having the same rights and priviledges granted to all adults because its the ethical, moral, and constitutionally guaranteed thing to do. Period. But I do hope a few hold outs might be swayed by the pragmatics involved in my argument.

I have reservations about posting this for fear I will offend. I know that in many cases, sham marriages occur out of a lack of self knowledge, out of fear and out of well intentioned hopes to live a normal life, to avoid hurting family members, or to avoid shame. Who can't understand these motives? The culture of intolerance carries the larger blame.

I am hopeful that legalizing gay marriage is one step toward tolerance which is another step toward gays being free to live exactly as they are instead of trying to fit into a one-size-fits-all, narrow minded view of love and marriage.

So on Tuesday, November 4th, think about it, give the arguments some sound reasoning, and ....

Arizonians: Vote NO on Proposition 102 which bans same-sex marriage
Californians: Vote NO on Proposition 8 which eliminates the right of same-sex couples to marry
Connecticutians: Vote NO on initiative 1 which brings into session a constitutional convention.

Floridians: Vote NO on Proposition 2 which eliminates same-sex marriage, civil unions, and domestic partnerships (even for heterosexual couples).

In other words, vote NO on ALL Propositions on same sex marriage.

You can read a lawyerly argument defending same sex marriage as a constitutional right, here.