misguided mom

Have you read this yet? The ace mom who insisted her children (7 and 3 years old) watch their baby brother's birth despite the children repeatedly stating they did not want to do so? You might want to check out the Salon article before reading my heated response so you can follow the bouncing ball.

I don't buy the "planning doesn't come naturally to me" faux excuse. Sounds suspiciously passive-aggressive to me. As in, I want my children in here because I think it's a splendid idea, so, hum, let me conveniently forget to plan a safe harbor for them. Safe harbor, i.e., where they could wait in excited anticipation and be given the gift of a happy reunion with their new baby brother.

No, instead they feel frightened and devalued. The moment considerably diminished, if not ruined.

I don't agree with the "childbirth is natural" line, either. Sex is natural, but not for a child. Neither is watching others have sex. Childbirth and sex are both beautiful conditions for mature adults. Not children who are too young, too developmentally immature, too emotionally ill-equipped to understand and process these events. Their young brains are simply not ready.

Consider this: There are many sexual perpetrators who ask the child for consent under the delusion that a child is developmentally mature enough to give consent. Children are not. We have laws in this country which dictate that minor children cannot give consent. Not even sixteen year olds can give consent. Laws devised under the guidance of child development experts who hold post graduate degrees from esteemed universities. Asking "consent" is clearly not appropriate and especially at such a young age. And yet, this mother thinks her seven year old can give consent? Her three year old?

We as adults, as parents, are assigned the profound task of making judgement calls designed to protect and nuture our children. This is our job. Not to make them a witness to our own magical but terrifying hour.

An hour that could result in tragedy. Ever take a walk through an old cemetery and see how many young mothers' headstones you see?

So I don't care or respect that the children were "asked." It matters not one wit. That the children clearly and repeatedly said no? Does matter. As in, hey super mom, you were given a get out of jail free card but you ripped it up.

What also matters is that these parents and grandparents and any other adult present, partook in what amounts to group neglect of two young children's emotional limits.

flag on the field

I spend a lot of time complaining about the demands of motherhood. At least in private, I do. The time, the impatience, the bickering, the driving, the driving and the driving.

But it's all nothing compared to the hard of standing on the sidelines as my kid takes a hit, a rough tackle, right to the heart.

Where I fight off an irresistible urge to rush onto the field, whistle in mouth, yellow flag flying, yelling at the top of my lungs, FOUL! Illegal emotion by an offensive player!

Or in mother speak, Stop hurting my kid!

But stand there I do with my thumb up my ass a case of sideline paralysis, here and there maybe sending in a play. When I can think up one.

Unless, of course, I get the glare.

You know, the one that says, Stay the fuck out of it, MOM.

In which case I take the role of the sounding board, uncertainty pounding in my head, offering the occasional and pathetic, Sorry she's acting like that.

I thought I'd have reached the end of those feelings by now. Stable marriage. Nice house. Beautiful kids. Good job. The adolescent angst safely tucked away in the past.

But nope. Not as a mom. This mom gets to live it all over again, in triplicate.

I didn't know it would feel like this. Standing helplessly by, feeling it all as if it were my own, powerless to do anything about it. Which is how it felt back then, too, really. Only this time with the perspective of how trivial it all is. How nothing.

But I can't convince them of that.

So for now I'll just stay put on the sidelines, hang onto the yellow flag. Or maybe offer it as a handkerchief. And have faith they'll get through it just like I did.

pay attention, guys

And speak up, women. If you're saying it's okay, how is he to know? You'd think it would be a no-brainer but when someone is told "no big deal," often enough, he starts to believe it. Be as generous to yourself as you want him to be.

This postcard is courtesy of PostSecret.

The Majorly Personal Meme, Part One

(With no stated obligation to complete the remaining meme-parts).

1. Are you happier now than you were five months ago?

Yes.

2. Have you ever slept in the same bed with anyone that you shouldn't have?

I try to eliminate shoulds from my vocabulary. Rather, wish I hadn't.

3. Can you sleep in total darkness?

My best sleep, yes.

4. Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for, the one who got away, what do you say?

Have you tested lately? You might need to ...

Not really. I'm lucky. The ones I fell hardest for didn't so much get away as were sent away. And I'd probably want to say I wish I'd woken up sooner.

5. What do you think about the weather this summer?

We didn't hit the 100's until August-ish. That's a good summer.

6. How many people do you trust with everything?

Three, if by everything you mean my complete confidence.

7. What was the last thing you drank?

Besides water? Vanilla soy milk.

8. Is there anyone you want to come see you?

A few friends who are scattered far and wide. One friend in San Francisco I haven't seen in over 20 years. I'd love for her to come visit.

9. Name one thing you love about winter?

Nights laying by the fire in the fireplace. Sitting around campfire with friends.

I'm a controlled pyro, apparently.

10. Have you ever dated a Goth?

No such thing when I was dating. My most unusual dating experience (that lasted more than one night) was a guy who liked to go to New Orleans Saints games by himself on acid. ?? That one didn't last long.

11. What are you looking forward to tomorrow?

Taking the kids for bubble tea. Walking down to the flowing creek.

12. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having?

I didn't get enough sleep. As per usual.

13. What's the longest that you have committed to one person and one person only?

21 years.

14. What’s the first thing you did when you opened your eyes today?

Stumbled to the bathroom. Took thyroid medication.

15. Has anyone ever told you they never want to ever lose you?

Minus the "ever," yes.

16. Is there anybody that you wish you could fix your relationship with?

Yes, but I've finally figured out it's pretty much beyond my control.

17. Could you go out in public, looking like you do now?

Not unless I want to scar my children for life.

18. Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? How?

I'll have to shop more. Christmas and a birthday coming. Otherwise, not so much different from the past few years.

19. Do you believe that you never know what you got until you lose it?

No but an ex-boyfriend does.

20. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

Yes. He's not straight, natch.

Painting: And Still No Rain by Michelle Giacobello.

e-bayte my ass

You know when you have been watching an ebatty item for several days and you wait until the last few seconds to bid, I believe this is called sniping, and then you see that you are currently the winner with barely 3 seconds left?

Your heart is all pounding and you feel all triumphant because the item you won at $54 is actually worth $179? And you have $20 left in the bid kitty? You know that feeling?

But then you refresh the page and see that no, at the very last millisecond, some sneaky, snarky, sniper came in and stole won with $1 more than your top bid? You know that feeling?

So then you content yourself on some primordial level of pettiness with the malicious satisfaction that at least the thief sniper had to fork over an extra twenty bucks at the last second? What is that feeling called?

Schnipenfreude?

and the winner is ...

And the winner of the Who's Kissing Governor Ahnold Contest is .....

Agent X Rae! Come on down! Woot!

I feel something akin to ambivalence here. And misplaced guilt. With the need to defend myself so I can eliminate the guilt. And suspicions.

Let me explian. This is my first blog giveaway. My first experience choosing a random number via an online tool.

Agent X happened to be number one. The first blogger to post. Agent X happens to live in Austin. I happen to know her, even.

As I moved to click the random number generator, my thought was this, "Now you watch...it'll come up number one and this will look rigged."

And... so... yup. Number one came up. I have many synchroncity events (synchronictic? synchronicitous?) such as this so it really doesn't surprise me. And since nearby residence was not listed as a disqualifier, Agent X stands as the winner. She also happens to be an ace at pop culture trivia so I think she deserves it as well.

Friday Fill-Ins

I've had my mind set on participating in Friday Fill-Ins for quite some time. Just because they look like fun. But typical, something bad memory always got in the way.

But today? Here I am.

So without further ado, introducing my first Friday Fill-Ins:

1. Family outings make my weekend.
2. I'm considering entertaining this weekend but I keep going back and forth.
3. I love a novel that I can't put down.
4. In a hurry, peanut butter on an apple makes a good meal.
5. I've got the bad back blues.
6. Roddick lost in the 2nd round: wth!!!
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to seeing my daughters have fun with their friends, tomorrow my plans include watching the US Open and Sunday, I want to watch more tennis!

who's kissing governor ahnold contest

I found what is apparently Governor Ahnold's secret revenue generating strategy in my spam box:

I like such themes and everything connected to this matter.

Can't you just hear Ah-nold and his ach-cent?

And ever-ting connected to dis mah-ter. And dis ting and de udder and ever-ting like dat.

I wish he were turning his Terminator charms onto the true spamminators.

Making him the Sperminator. Har.

No doubt, spam-boy. You will be back.

If that wasn't enough Ah-nold for you, here's more. Click it if you need a laugh. And please don't confuse me with an Ah-nold movie buff, but I adored him in True Lies. The hotel strip scene had me in stitches not to mention in awe of that amazing bod. His co-star's, not his.

Oh, and the contest? Correctly guess who is under the pink wig and I'll put your name in a drawing* to win a free pair of bead earrings ... made by yours truly.

*Must be 18 years or older and have pierced ears to participate. Must be willing to overlook minor flaws in CoffeeYogurt's finding-bending artistry.