SEXIEST PERSONS ALIVE
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
who thinks this is perfect?
Saturday, March 28, 2009
when an instruction manual would come in handy
It's 2am. Lying in bed reading. Ready to turn out the light when ...
Heart jumpstarts into angina mode. Who died? Fumble out of bed. (Damn, that's a loud ringer). Answer phone. Small, quiet voice ... "Mommy?" Aw shit, that's right. Daughters at slumber party ... "I can't sleep."
Relief. No, not relief. This will take longer than bad news call. Make a few suggestions and reassurances. Hang up.
Call number two, ten minutes later: Ask if they watched any scary movies ... "Well, yeah." Which one? ... "Disturbia." What's it about? "Something about a serial killer."
Great. (On the family room television? What the hell?) Talk her through deep breathing (searching for soothing therapy voice to replace pissed off voice).
Call number three, fifteen minutes later: Ask if anyone has scared her or done anything to make her uncomfortable (older sibling in the house). "No. Nothing like that. I promise. " More coaching on the deep breathing. Suggest she read until she falls asleep. More soothing encouragement (through gritted teeth).
Call number four: "The lazyboy chair I'm trying to lie down on? It keeps popping back up." (tears). "Can you come get me?"
No, I say. I am not picking you up. (FuckFuckFuck. Should I?) You can read until morning if you have to. Find a spot next to your sister. Keep breathing, honey, and stop thinking about calling me. "Ok. I love you."
I love you, too.
An hour later? I know she is sleeping. But I am not.
Update: As I had hoped, my daughter was asleep by 2:45a.m.
I did not get to sleep until 4:30a.m.
Friday, March 27, 2009
what the nuts?
Thursday, March 26, 2009
fox news: the new pravda?
So I hope I can be forgiven my retaliatory style when it is to Fox News I say, "Your pink is showing."
According to Think Progress, Fox News used a six month old clip of Joe Biden claiming, "the Obama administration is now singing a slightly different tune."
What Fox didn't say was that the clip was taken months prior, during the Obama/McCain campaign, and that Biden was quoting John McCain.
Instead, Fox anchor Martha MacCallum tells viewers to "take a look at what was said during recent interviews this weekend."
without a medically disabling memory condition forgotten Biden's stump speech where he hammered away at McCain, claiming he was out of touch with the shaky economic conditions?
Apparently, Fox depends on their viewers not remembering
anything prior to the segment aired five minutes ago. Check out the Pravda Fox News clip, here.
Friday, March 20, 2009
We have food packaging whose selling point is no MSG, no transfats, no animal products, no gluten.
Cosmetic labels which claim no animal testing and petroleum free.
Sunscreens - PABA free.
Water bottles - no BPA.
Can we now have magazines whose distinction is no air brushing?
"This magazine contains no photographs that have been air brushed or in any way digitally enhanced, changed or modified. The women portrayed in this magazine are shown in their natural, un-altered glory."
"All models depicted within this magazine have signed the 10%-or-greater bodyfat pledge. Because beautiful is a woman with a healthy body weight."
I would subscribe to THAT magazine.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
for the smilin' irish eyes
If you don't have time to watch the full video, scroll to 3:10.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
have you got the beat?
Shakira: Hips Don't Lie
Image of workout baby found here.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
How about something a little more challenging, say, a few bratwurst, or a can of refrieds? Then I might think about retiring my plunger.
Video first seen at The Daily Dish.
Monday, March 09, 2009
stop raining on our rainbow
Friday, March 06, 2009
Monday, March 02, 2009
in which she discovers she likes to be dominated
Uh, thanks but no thanks, I was thinking.
But recently? Tried it. And I gotta tell ya. That dominance and submission business? To my great surprise, I liked it. No wait. I loved it.
It wasnt' even my idea. Who knew SAM knew anything about D & S? Let alone that he would spring it on me out of the clear blue? In the kitchen!
I was standing at the sink, cleaning up after a
It went like this:
SAM, using his
"Move out of the way. Come on. Now."
And then, using his
"Here. Let me get these dishes. You get outta here."
Now. I have never hailed myself as the submissive type. But I found myself meekly sliding over and backing away, quiet as a mouse, like a good little sub should.
I watched his
And let me tell you.
I felt the earth.
Under my feet.
I decided then and there I had to grab his
So, interested readers, do you feel your heart beat intensifying?
Well, as much as I'd like to give you more, that's all you get. There's your glimpse.
Oh, and men? I hope you are taking notes.