somebody please put a sock in her mouth

Sally Kern

Oklahoma State Representative

House District 84

"...every day our young people... are bombarded at school, in movies, in music, on TV, in the mall, in magazines, they’re bombarded with ‘homosexuality is normal and natural.’ It’s something they have to deal with every day. Fortunately we don’t have to deal with a terrorist attack every day, and that’s what I mean... that it’s more dangerous, and yes I think that it’s also more dangerous because it will tear down the moral fiber of this nation."

Preferably a very colorful sock:

previously worn by one of these proud gentlemen:

You can to listen to Sally Kernaphobic for yourself, here.

true evil

Every time I hear a right wing Christian preacher ranting about the evils of the gay lifestyle or some neo-con politician up for re-election warning that the legalization of gay marriage is the antithesis of family values, my blood boils.

Because I have listened to too many heartwrenching stories about the true and actual evils bestowed by Christian parents upon their gay children. These supposed God fearing moms and dads.

Painful recountings by gays of parents who failed them, rejected them, abused them. Childhoods, adolescences, adult years of being criticized, threatened, berated, humiliated and ostracized. Parents who doled out condemnation rather than acceptance for something their child didn't choose, contrary to the uninformed propaganda. Time and again I have comforted middle aged adults whose train wrecked lives can't ever get on track because, in my professional opinion, they were denied essential love and nurturance by the very people entrusted to shelter and raise them.

So here is my point, in case it isn't obvious by now. The true evil is perpetrated, not by gays who are merely trying to find their truth, but by gay haters, gay deniers, gay bashers. By those masquerading as followers of Jesus, who, by the way, purportedly never preached against homosexuality. Or if he did, it wasn't remembered or viewed so important as to warrant inclusion in the gospels by the big man in the clouds doing the inspirational nudging.

The core violation of family values occurs, instead, in the homes of gay repudiating parents whose fear, ignorance and narcissism prevents them from fulfilling their fundamental Christian duty: to provide a safe upbringing to their children. To love them.

are you there god? it's me, texas.

You may have seen the story on the national news. A wildfire burnt 100 acres in southwest Austin last Sunday. Five homes were burnt to the ground, twenty homes damaged.

Apparently enough smoke and ash made it's way to our fair Governor's temporary mansion that he felt touched in the head enough compelled to issue an official proclamation.

Governor Good Hair proclaimed the next three days official Days of Prayer for Rain in Texas.

Yes, you read that right.

Days of Prayer for Rain.

Now call me a cynic, but I had to read it for myself, word for word, on the Governor's official website to believe it and take three shots of tequila to keep from pulling every single hair from my pretty little head.

Here's an excerpt:

"WHEREAS, throughout our history, both as a state and as individuals, Texans have been strengthened, assured and lifted up through prayer; it seems right and fitting that the people of Texas should join together in prayer to humbly seek an end to this devastating drought and these dangerous wildfires;

NOW, THEREFORE, I, RICK PERRY, Governor of Texas, under the authority vested in me by the Constitution and Statutes of the State of Texas, do hereby proclaim the three-day period from Friday, April 22, 2011, to Sunday, April 24, 2011, as Days of Prayer for Rain in the State of Texas. I urge Texans of all faiths and traditions to offer prayers on that day for the healing of our land, the rebuilding of our communities and the restoration of our normal way of life."

This auspicious proclamation lead me into deep embarrassment thought:

1. Does a rain dance comply with the proclamation?

2. Did Governor Perry check the doppler radar before issuing his proclamation?

3. Surely it will rain somewhere in the 268,820 square miles of Texas before the weekend is out, right? But that leads me to wonder: Does it have to rain during the next three days to deem the proclaimtion prayers officially answered? Or can it rain, say, a month from now and still count? A year? I mean, God has a lot on his plate right now what with answering the prayers of victims of tsunamis, war crimes and cancer. It would make sense if he were to put off a mere drought. Right?

4. Is it true that there is no term limit applied to the governorship of Texas? Can we maybe pray for the state legislature to work on changing that?

5. How the hell did Texas elect this bass-ackward governor?

WWPD: What would Palin do?

Don Haase was appointed by current Alaska Governor Sean Parnell (R) to sit on their state's Judicial Council, a panel that nominates state judges.

Haase testified Wednesday that he believes it should be illegal for Alaskans to have sex outside of marriage.

Yes, you read that right. Haase wants to see Alaskans prosecuted for the crime of pre-marital sex.

For some reason I find myself wondering... would former Governor Sarah Palin back this guy's political agenda?

You can read more about the appointee, here.

addendum I want the Texas lege to consider

In my last post I commented on this sonogram legislation proposal currently up for debate in the Texas legislature. Now that I've had time to think on it, I recommend the Texas Senate committee consider the following addendum:

Before a man can be approved for a vasectomy he first needs to watch a series of videos showing cute little baby sperms fertilizing the ovum.

Serious videos and not so serious videos such as this one or my personal favorite, Super Sperm:

And then the vasectomy wannabe-recipient will need to watch a series of cute baby videos. You know, the kind of babies that he could possibly fertilize with his sperm. Sweet, cute, cuddly, laughing babies.

In case he doesn't realize what his sperm could produce if he didn't get the procedure.

In case he needs his state legislature to inform him.

if this isn't massively big government, nothing is

Woke up to this on the front page of today's paper. A proposed law by Texas State Senator Dan Patrick (Republican-7th District) will make it mandatory for women seeking abortions to have a sonogram and listen to the fetal heartbeat.

Patrick has been proposing laws of this nature for years. His 2009 law was watered down, mandating that women be informed of their right to the procedures but allowing them to opt out.

His "current proposal allows women to avert their eyes."

It's unclear whether women can refuse the fetal monitor heartbeat.

Really? A bunch of stuff shirts in the Texas lege are gonna allow me to look away? What would they have us do? Put our heads in a vice and force us to look? Stick plugs in our ears against our will? Sounds a little clockwork orangey to me.

And what happened to the Republican rallying cry, Keep government off my back! I don't understand how my back is off limits but my uterus is fair game.

the diagnosis is in

The evaluation is complete. The tests interpreted. The diagnosis is in.

The One Hundred Twelfth United States Congress suffers from TCTDDD (Tax Cut Trickle Down Delusional Disorder).

Haldol, anyone?

"Yes! Extending the existing tax cuts will create jobs. Because the only way out of this mess is to keep things exactly as they are." -Stephen Colbert

p.s. Great minds think alike.

faux news or fauxing stupid?

Ever have one of those bad blogger days when you realize you've misspelled a word in your post or mixed up a metaphor and hope your readers don't realize you really are an idiot in the disguise of a wannabe writer?

Well, fear not, friends. Whatever your bloggulous blunder, your metaphorical misstep, it shrinks to a mere speck on the ass of a gnat that lands on the wing of a cow by comparison to a boneheaded missive posted at Fox Nation.

If you blinked for a few days lifetimes like I did, you missed it. But the masterinvestigators at mediate were keeping watch on The Fox Nation with their eyes wide shut and their minds wide shocked when Fox Nation reposted an Obama-bashing article from The Onion. Reposted it without mentioning the fact that The Onion is satire.

You really have to read this mediate post for yourself or this Talking Points Memo recap if you want the full on delightfully incredulous effect.

You can't read the original Fox News post because they've taken it down. I've already checked --no horse stall too full of manure for this blogger to wade her wellingtons through in order to track down the origin of an internet story.

In other words, Oops Confirmed.

Or was it? We presume the author of this repost was asleep at the blogwheel. But then there are the editors who are more discerning. Right? Or was this an effort to mislead by design, hoping nobody would call them on it?

time for another segment of let's ridicule riddle

She's at it again. Debbie Riddle, un-esteemed State Rep. (R) from Tomball, Texas, won't be shamed out of her relentless pursuit of anchor babies and terror babies in this here grand state. Apparently Texas can't let Arizona beat it at making racist headlines.

Intent on proving everything is not only bigger but also stupider in Texas, Riddle camped out all night at the Texas Capitol on Sunday so she could be first to pre-file her clone of Arizona's racial profiling immigration law for the upcoming legislative session.

In her words the bill, “gives law enforcement officers additional tools, if they have the reasonable suspicion that there is a violation of a law, to inquire into an individual’s immigration status.”

She is that serious because terror babies are that big of a threat, yawl.

I used to think it was really odd that the Texas legislature met only once every two years. With legislators like Riddle, I now think it's a godsend.