who's kissing governor ahnold contest

I found what is apparently Governor Ahnold's secret revenue generating strategy in my spam box:

I like such themes and everything connected to this matter.

Can't you just hear Ah-nold and his ach-cent?

And ever-ting connected to dis mah-ter. And dis ting and de udder and ever-ting like dat.

I wish he were turning his Terminator charms onto the true spamminators.

Making him the Sperminator. Har.

No doubt, spam-boy. You will be back.

If that wasn't enough Ah-nold for you, here's more. Click it if you need a laugh. And please don't confuse me with an Ah-nold movie buff, but I adored him in True Lies. The hotel strip scene had me in stitches not to mention in awe of that amazing bod. His co-star's, not his.

Oh, and the contest? Correctly guess who is under the pink wig and I'll put your name in a drawing* to win a free pair of bead earrings ... made by yours truly.

*Must be 18 years or older and have pierced ears to participate. Must be willing to overlook minor flaws in CoffeeYogurt's finding-bending artistry.

attemption sleezy, foreign spammers!

Note to your sleezy, foreign, scamming, spamming self: If you're going to send out mass emails to recipients without benefit of a a formal introduction, let alone a shared language, you might want to study the vocabulary of your recipients a little more carefully, i.e., don't rely so heavily on Google Translator.*

Case in point. This was waiting for me in my personal, private (use only for communicating with friends, family, and teachers so how the hell did you find me?) email box this morning:

Second Attemption: Your Credit Card PreApproval inside

Your Prepaid Credit Card will be shipped soon!

Prepaid Credit Card Approval Enclosed

Poor credit? Instant Approval for Credit Cards!

We have a Credit Card card invitation for you

Enclosed: Cards for people with Bad Credit...

So while I have your rapturous attemption, Sir Spams Alot, I have a few questions:

A. Is this an offer for credit or a last-chance opportunity to save my soul? Because, while in the lives of some the end result may feel similar, for most people money and soul suffer from irreconcilable differences.

B. Prepaid credit? Let me see if I understand. I send a thousand dollars to some unknown destination on the other side of the continent so you can issue me a credit card in the amount of a thousand dollars minus your most generous fee offer?

C. And why would I want to take that risk when I can go to my local grocery store, spin the metal kiosk and prepay in person? Am I not comprensating something here?

*Please don't take this personally, Google. You most definitely rank right up there at the very top of my list of favorite internets friends tools. But for language translation? Needs a little work.

Here's what I mean: I once used you to compose a note for my, then, non-English speaking house cleaner. I wanted her to change the sheets on my son's spare bed. I came home to find her looking at me very strangely. At the end of a confusing exchange, I deciphered her question: Should she cover his bed in notebook, printer, or wrapping paper?