now hurry up and relax

Today is National Relaxation Day.

My favorite way to relax on a hot August day is to be fully submerged in a spring fed river, feet floating in front of me, collecting smooth, flat, round river stones with which to balance tiny rock pyramids while drinking snorkely-slinky.* It sounds easy, but after a few snorkely-slinkies? Perilous.

Reader, how do you like to relax?

*The drinking alcohol part is optional. Unless it's a typical day at home when a spring fed river is not readily available, in which case, the drinking alcohol is mandatory.

*Oh, but wait. You're probably following the (*) to find out what a snorkely-slinky is. It's my personal favorite mixed cocktail of Svedka, club soda and cranberry. Or better, when I'm uber organized, prickly pear juice, in which case, I should be calling it, snorkely-prickly.

s.o.s.

Stands for "sleep over scream."

Mine.

My girls are hosting a slumber party, which is to say "I" am hosting a slumber party. Six ten year olds at my house.

Is anyone willing to air-express me some psychotropics? Oh, I'm not picky ... something in the anxyolytic family, or a barbituate, or perhaps, say, a nice sedating anti-psychotic?

I'll make it worth your while. Promise.

image lifted at a fanciful twist, here.

my life from now til Dec 25th

Am I right?

As seen over at The Daily Dish. Thanks J, for the email.

tree hugger, for real

Just now I was looking up the meaning of "grounding meditation," a component of a treatment program for anxiety that of I'm considering for a referral.

I learned here that grounding is the act of becoming fully aware of physical sensations and being fully "present mentally and emotionally."

One of the exercises suggested for grounding was tree hugging. Not euphemistically speaking but actually wrapping one's arms around a tree.

Call me a conventional homebody who doesn't get out enough, but I thought tree hugging was a term used sarcastically by ditto heads to make fun of liberal, ecology minded, nature loving, granola-crunching types. Yes, I realize people actually do crunch granola (including moi) but I had not known people actually hug trees, for real, let alone that it's recommended as a therapeutic technique.

The webpage then goes on to describe the art of tree hugging:

"This exercise will require a nice looking tree that you wouldn't mind putting your arms around, as well as some privacy, if you're the type to feel self conscious hugging a tree in public."

Um, hello? Must you be a certain type? Don't most of us feel self concious hugging a tree in public?

Well, let's see. Take my poll:



Tree hugger photo borrowed from this website.

think thin

How many times have you had this thought, "I can gain weight just thinking about food." Plenty?

Yeah, me too.

Now, how many times have you had this thought, "I can lose weight just thinking about exercise."

Me either.

Until tonight -- when I was browsing PsyBlog's post citing a Harvard study done by Crum & Langer* showing that simply thinking about exercise helps with weight loss.

My kinda study.

Apparently, as I lie here pecking away at my keyboard and think hard enough about the exercise I did this morning and appreciate how healthy it was for me, I may actually lose more weight than if I didn't think about it.

And it doesn't have to be real, bonified "put on my sweats and monitor my heartrate" exercise. I can think about the everyday kinds of physical activity I did this week that elevated my heart rate, such as making beds, cooking, doing laundry, getting dressed, walking up and down grocery store aisles, racing to the kids' bedrooms to catch them goofing off when they should be doing their homework, and all such things in the ordinary life of a mom.

BadScience summarizes the study like this: "...amazingly, despite no change in actual exercise levels ... simply being told about the value of what [participants] were already doing caused a significant change for the better on every single one of the objective health measures recorded: weight, body fat, body mass index, waist-to-hip ratio and blood pressure."

So. Let's go people. Listen to those smart Harvard elites. Let's fully appreciate the exercise we've already done and see what happens. Let's give ourselves credit for the healthy choices we've made this week. While we are laying on our arses. And wait for those pounds to ooze out of our pores.

Check back in a week and let me know how it's workin' for ya.

Oh, and lest you think I'm encouraging more exercise in the form of housework, you would be el wrongo.

*Crum AJ Langer EJ. Mind-Set Matters: Exercise and the Placebo Effect. Psychological Science 18(2) 165-171, 2007.

moody tuesday

Top Ten Ways to Raise Your Mood*
*From Moodraiser, an excellent blog that gives tips for good mental health.

1. Respond to good news enthusiastically. It's called "capitalizing." If your spouse tells you some good news, how do you respond?

Four possible ways to respond are:

a) enthusiastically,

b) negatively,

c) positively but subdued, or

d) uninterested.

Studies show when you respond enthusiastically, as opposed to any of the other ways, it makes a big difference in how satisfied your spouse is in your marriage, how committed s/he is, and how in love s/he is with you. And, of course, if your spouse is more satisfied with your marriage, is more committed to you, and more in love with you, that will really raise your mood, too.

2. Look at personal photos. Listening to music and eating chocolate (what?!?)didn't really change experimental subjects' moods very much. Alcohol and TV each gave people a 1% rise in their happiness score. But the clear winner was looking at personal photos. It gave people, on average, an 11% rise in their mood.

3. Experiment with your posture. Someone who feels down tends to slump. Someone who is happy tends to sit up straighter, walk more upright with the head held up, looking ahead instead of down. If you have been paying attention, you know this already. Posture tends to be a reflection of mood.

What you might not have realized is that it goes the other way too: You can change your posture and it will influence your mood. Experiment with your posture while you're walking or sitting. Do more of what makes you feel better, and less of what doesn't.

4. Compare your situation to something worse. Think of something you are unhappy about. Now notice that the reason it makes you unhappy is that you are comparing your situation to something better. You're comparing your situation to something more ideal.

But try this: Think of someone in this world who would take your situation over theirs in a heartbeat. Or imagine your own situation was much worse than it is. Whatever you are unhappy about, you can easily find a worse situation to compare it to. And from that perspective, you are lucky to have the problem you have, even though it is obviously not ideal. Who says the ideal is a legitimate thing to use as a comparison anyway? Something worse is at least as legitimate, and has a benefit too: You feel better.

5. Pretend the universe is in a conspiracy to make you happy. When something bad happens, pretend the universe is in a conspiracy to make you happy and it gave you this bad thing as the perfect way for you to learn something — a lesson that will ultimately make you happy. This way of reframing a setback will improve your mood in the moment, and will raise your mood in the long run. It'll help you learn and improve what you do in the future. It will help you make the most of whatever happens. What unpleasant situation do you have? Is it teaching you something valuable? Could it, if you looked at it that way? Your ongoing mood has a lot to do with how things look to you. And how things look to you has a lot to do with how you look at things. Use this to your advantage by using this reframe.

6. Think of something you're grateful for. It is surprisingly easy to think of something you're grateful for. It only takes a few moments. And as soon as you think of something, you feel noticeably better. If the first thing you think of doesn't raise your mood enough, ask yourself what else you're grateful for. We naturally have our attention on our goals and what we'd like to attain in the future, and the mind naturally compares what we have with what we want to have. That's motivating sometimes, but it can also make you feel demoralized or frustrated. It is equally legitimate — and ought to get equal billing — to think about what you have (compared to others or compared to your past), or what you have gained, or what you are just plain glad about. Try it the next time you feel discouraged or frustrated. Ask yourself, "What am I grateful for?"

7. Take some time and sit still quietly. Simply sitting and thinking can raise your mood consistently. All you have to do is sit still without doing anything. How often do you do that? You always have lots to do, and if you're not doing something, you're watching a movie or listening to music. Your mind is almost continually engaged. When you sit still, after about fifteen minutes, your mind seems to go into a defrag mode. Unresolved issues bubble up and get resolved. Your mind seems to naturally sort itself out. It feels almost as if you had things you needed to think about that were pushed to the back of your mind, waiting for an opportunity. Sit still and let your mind think for a half-hour to an hour. I think you'll be surprised at how clear-headed and peaceful you become.

8. Do some exercise. Exercise beats depression, but even if you're not depressed, a little exercise usually raises your mood. It's an all-purpose mood-raiser that just about anyone can use. If you haven't exercised in the last couple days and you're not feeling as good as you would like, try doing some exercise today and see if that helps. It probably will.

9. Get a little done on a purpose you care about. Think of one small goal you really want. And it's really important you think of something you want. You could do things you should do all day long, completing task after task, but if there's no juice in it, all that accomplishment won't raise your mood.

For real enjoyment, you need:
a) something you want to accomplish, that

b) you enjoy accomplishing.

Do a little of your joyful purpose today, or if the day is almost done, then start tomorrow. Think of something you really want to do that you really like to do, and get a little of it done.

10. Reframe a circumstance that makes you feel bad. "Reframing" means interpreting the situation differently. When something happens, you interpret it a certain way, and your mind usually does it automatically. The situation just seems a certain way to you, and you have feelings appropriate to the way you look at it. When you reframe a circumstance that makes you feel bad, you won't feel bad any more. Nothing has changed except how you're looking at it, but that's enough to change your feelings.

To reframe something, all you have to do is:

a) notice some circumstance is bringing you down, and

b) ask yourself if there is some other way to look at it than the way you automatically look at it.

What's on your top 10 list for lifting your mood?

more hugs

In response to my last post, Kelli of PlanetTransgender reminded me of another hugworthy video.

stay at home depression

Years ago, when I found out I would have three children under the age of three, I decided to resign from my agency job, stay home with my kids and gradually transition to private practice. I was nervous but excited. I was going to be a stay at home mom, something I had never planned on. I savored the idea of devoting myself to my kids, free from the distractions of working outside the home, at least for a while. Living on one income, we had to scale back on discretionary expenses. We fired our cleaning lady and ate fewer meals out. One day, knee deep in dirty diapers and even dirtier high chair trays, I had a depressing thought: As a sahm I felt like a glorified maid. Yes, I was home raising my kids but I was spending most of my time doing laundry, cleaning house, washing bottles, and preparing food. How tedious it was to dice grapes for three kids! And how I dreaded cleaning those dried up and crusted over high chair trays! I loved the time with my kids and I'm glad I had that time with them, but I found that the joys were often outweighed by the burden of the daily chores. I had never liked house cleaning and the more kids I had to clean up after, the less I liked it. When potty training was in full swing? I found I had sunk to an all new energy low. I was clinically depressed and reached for help. Now, years later, back to work in a hectic but thriving practice, I've never felt better. I still find cleaning up after my kids unpleasant but now I have the satisfaction of a work life to add balance.

These sahm years came rushing back, in a rather tongue in cheek backward glance, when I read the summary of a recent study by the National Survey on Drug Use and Health. You can also read a summary here. This survey looked at rates of depression among various occupations. Major depression was reported most frequently in the following four types of jobs: Personal Care and Service, Food Prep and Serving, Social Services, and Health Care. Yep, that about covered it.

This isn't to say, of course, that there aren't plenty of moms (and dads) who feel great being a sah parent. More power to them. But for me, it wasn't a good fit. I was happier working and I believe my kids are better for it, too.