SEXIEST PERSONS ALIVE

Monday, September 21, 2009

protozoa in your piehole




I read this in my local paper a few days ago: Study finds dangerous bacteria lurks in shower heads. Warns: Do not stand directly under shower spray when first turned on.

Wait. Do people really have to be instructed to stand away from the shower head when they turn on the jets? Isn't the blast of icy cold on warm body deterrent enough?

But to my point. As if we don't have enough to worry about with drug cartels across our borders, economic forecasts dependent on Asia, and nuclear threat in the Middle East, do we really need news outlets publishing one unreplicated study story after another that warn us of the dangers lurking right in our own homes? Cancer from barbeque, radiation from cell phones, hormone additives in our dairy, BPA in the baby bottles, pesticides on our produce, salmonella in the salad. Is there no safe harbor from unseen domestic dangers?

Yet, last I heard, people are living longer than ever. Nursing homes are crowded. No room at the Sunset Inn for grandma. How can this be?

And if is there a better example of toxicological irony, please share in the comments: After everyone but me traded in their BPA laced Nalgene bottles for SIGG containers, SIGG

So given all of this fear driven news, I sincerely expect to see an article that reads,

Scientists Warn: Kissing is Dangerous

Research microbiologists report findings from a study indicating hundreds of millions of bacteria are found in human saliva. Six hundred different microbial species of bacteria are waiting to spring from that red and white cavity behind your lips.

Stand back, study warns. There's fungi on your face. Cooties on your kisser. Protozoa in your piehole.

What can we do to protect ourselves from this bacterial quagmire?

Dr. Hal I.Tosis of U of OCD recommends donning protective head gear:



26 comments:

Vodka Mom said...

i have been exposed to crazy *** stuff in my twenty years of teaching---nothing scares me.

Jason, as himself said...

Protozoa in your piehole. I love that.

It sounds kind of dirty, but I know it isn't.

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

Yeah, I agree with you. It's a wonder we're even walking around erect with all the "dangers" lurking about. I think these dangers just help keep our immune systems strong and in fighting shape ;)

petrichoric said...

Yeah, I saw that article online somewhere, too, but I couldn't even be bothered reading it. Honestly, part of the reason why humans have so many fucking diseases in the first place is because we're overly hygienic these days. I grew up drinking unpasteurised milk and nothing ever happened to me (well, except that I hate milk, and am actually lactose intolerant).

Also, I saw an article recently suggesting that humans have more asthma and allergies these days because we, in the West anyway, no longer have hookworm infections. Apparently, there is something about having hookworms in your gut that cures asthma/allergies. If we could control the amount of hookworms, would it really be so bad to have them if we were free of allergies?!

JennyMac said...

HAHA..Loved this. Kissing IS dangerous. :) and the post title made me laugh from the get go.

phd in yogurtry said...

petrichoric -- I've read similar articles, that our clean-freak culture has tamped down our immune response, with increased rate of asthma being one result. Not to mention all the antibacterial soaps and cleaning products. We need some bacteria, people!

My grandmother was onto something when she would pick up my candy from the floor and say "a little bit of dirt is good for you."

Magpie said...

LIFE IS DANGEROUS!

Mental P Mama said...

Yuck.

Fantastic Forrest said...

Am I the only one who thinks that shower head looks like a scary alien gas mask thingy?

If we have all this dangerous bacteria now, I shudder to think what we'll have to endure if health care reform passes. Socialist bacteria, I guess. Heh.

And Jason is right - piehole just sounds like something your mother would not be pleased to hear you say.

TitansFan said...

It's a daily ritual and it wont change too much from fear of microbes. I can't see it being that dangerous being that I've seen zero cases of death by shower bacteria. I don't have a normal shower anyway. I have Three Shower Head Shower.

Casey said...

Too funny. That's always what I thought about kissing anyway. At least until I hit puberty.

bernthis said...

I was just telling someone about those bottles today. I give up, truly. Although I did read an article about the drinking water in CA.....

Jocelyn said...

I didn't even know that SIGG thing. I guess I'm just plum worn out by all the alarmism and will just have to drink and shower and take my ever-lovin' chances.

petrichoric said...

I really hope that "Fantastic Forrest" was joking when she made her health care reform comment. If Obama gets his way with the health reform, Americans will finally be able to live the way we do in Europe - without the fear that we'll have to declare bankruptcy if we ever become seriously ill. I'm getting rather sick of Americans criticizing European healthcare systems. I've lived in three European countries, and never had a problem. Unless Americans have had personal experience of other countries' health care systems, perhaps they should just keep quiet. Also, please stop bandying the word "socialism" about. You clearly don't know what it means.

Fantastic Forrest said...

All, my original comment was sloppy - if you didn't know my sense of humour and my lefty politics, you might have thought I was serious.

I chose to reply directly to petrichoric at her blog. Click the link to read what I really think. You know you're dying to learn what lurks in my tiny brain! Besides, you can check out her interesting blog at the same time. I hope she'll return here after reading my note to exonerate me from those dreadful accusations. :)

phd in yogurtry said...

petrogoric -- I so agree with you. I love hearing from people who have lived in countries with "socialized medicine." I have not yet heard from a European or Canadian who has complained about their country of origin's health care system. In fact, the opposite. Nothing but praise. They seem incredulous at our confusing, expensive system. Last night Michael Moore was on Colbert Report. He said that 1 of 8 housing foreclosures are due to medical debt. That is just effed up. And scares the shit outta me, a woman married to a man with a chronic condition that could flare up and lead to multiple surgeries at any time.

fantastic forrest -- I do know your humor and politics so I understood and appreciated your sarcasm. Thanks for coming back to set the record straight, though. Would not want your cunning wit to be misinterpreted.

Stereos and Souffles said...

Now getting clean can kill you. Great, maybe I'll just start taking baths in my own filth. That'll show em!

Stacie said...

My last iron included the warning: Do not iron clothes while wearing them. If the bugs and chemicals don't get us, the stupid people will.

Margo said...

makes me feel like clearing out the bank account, taking up smoking and buying an RV and hitting the road. Because, you know - we're all gonna die soon of something. Was this shower head in South Carolina? - it could explain the general and most recent insanity of many of our public officials. :)

Hip Mom's Guide said...

What I want to know is this: Did our taxes fund this study?

I think maybe we should just pack it up and live in tents. Get out there with the bacteria in nature & live it up. Except I'd want a tent with walls. And a bathroom. So, you know, it's really just a theory.

Have a great week!

petrichoric said...

@Fantastic Forrest: Sorry for taking ages to "exonerate" you either here or on my blog. I'm a bit behind with responding to comments. Don't worry, I know you were joking now! I did actually look at one of your many blogs before I posted that comment but I was too tired to do anything but just skim it that night, and I didn't find anything to suggest you either were or weren't a rabid conservative. I should have looked more before posting my comment, so sorry!

Louise said...

This makes me laugh, but it's true in a sad sort of way. I like YOUR interpretation!

Fantastic Forrest said...

petrichoric - thanks! :-) I wonder if all these dangerous bacteria are responsible for the rabid conservatives plaguing our society. Perhaps if someone gave Glenn Beck an antibiotic, it would cure his diseased mind.

Stacie said...

Margo and Hip Mom-
I say the EXACT sam things to my husband all of the time!!

Kathleen Scott said...

That showerhead picture is too cool for words.

But I fear there's a miscast in your recitation. BBQ was listed with the death squad. I'm sure that's a slur from folks who don't know the living-longer benefits of pure bliss.

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

If kissing is wrong, I don't want to be right.