yogravation

yogravation - the feeling you get when you rearrange your week's schedule to attend a particular yoga class, only to show up, mat in hand, and find it was cancelled.

fortunately, there is help. everydaypeoplecartoons by cathy thorne.

i'm perfect

Just the way I am.

That's right. You heard me. Everything about me is perfect, at this moment, always, all ways.

Perfect.

This was the end meditation in a yoga class after we were all stretched and relaxed. In the Savasana pose, I believe it was called. When the instructor first suggested this perfect idea, I nearly jumped out of my freshly yoga-tized skin.

What the hell kinda self talk is that, perfect?

But then I figured, I'm here. Might as well give it a wing. And, surprise surprise. I actually got there. To this foreign internal world of feeling at peace with my body, believing for a few blissful moments that yes, I am perfect. Just the way I am. In this body, in this skin, with this slightly graying head on these mildly rounded shoulders. I am perfect. I, who have been striving in one way (dieting) or another (dieting), nearly all of my life to become .... well, not perfect, but rather to maybe like myself the way I am. To like the way I feel inside my head instead of fighting unflattering views of my essential me-ness.

So after it was all said and done, perfect felt pretty damned good. A magically relaxing carpet ride it was. Peace. Acceptance. Feeling at one with myself.

After class, I headed home and vowed I would sign up for that instructor's class again (I didn't) or at least visit planet perfect on my own again (I haven't). In fact, I lost the instructor's name and she is no longer teaching at the same location. But I know perfect is there, I know the way and I'll get back there.

Update: The above is a recycled post, written about three years ago. I thought of this post the other day after talking to a yoga-devotee in my neighborhood. She was inviting me to attend Sunday morning classes with her. After talking a bit, we figured out that the instructor where she attends is none other than my perfect instructor. So rather than relying on my imperfect history of finding perfect, I'm going to find her. And that perfect me.

i'm back and on my back

I had such a good time relaxing and sunning and slurrrping poolside over the long weekend that I came home and promptly put my back out. Or, more technically, strained a ligament while reaching for a tennis ball. Proving once again the theory that I call "The Homeostatic Pleasure Pain Principle" which states that a body can only have so much fun without paying a price.

I've had lower back pain for years. It really got out of hand after carrying twins for 40 weeks. Since then, I've had chronic lower backache and lots of small episodes of smarting pain down my back and into my butt and thigh (known as sciatica). Especially after long periods of standing in line or standing on hard floors, such as the stained concrete floors in my kitchen.

A few years ago I started playing competitive tennis. At the start of my third season, I found myself hobbling off the court in pain. After several days of pain and stiffness, I was afraid to play. A teammate recommended an Iyengar yoga instructor who specialized in rehabilitative yoga.

"But I'm not very limber, even on my best day" I protested.

"That's exactly why you need to see her," she insisted.

Fearful and skeptical, I went. To a private yoga session. And then to a follow up visit. It was two of the most well spent hours of my life.

Iyengar is the type of yoga, I learned, that concentrates on getting the poses just right, making sure the skeletal system is lined up just so, identifying alignments that are maximally therapeutic for healing, that reduce the risk of injury.

I learned a lot about the mechanics of my back and the importance of particular postures. For example, switching my normal stance of feet splayed outward, to facing my toes inward slightly.

She told me I had sacro-illiac joint issues (aka, S-I Joint). She recommended a regimen of simple, gentle yoga poses that incorporate back and hamstring stretches. I learned that part of my problem is that I have large, tight hamstring muscles.

I had always hated and avoided stretching. Any kind of stretching. Tight hamstrings run in my family and they were the muscle group I was least fond of stretching. I'm one of four kids; three of us have lower back problems. I now know how important it is to routinely stretch my hamstrings.

With so much good information about my back problems, why am I flat on my back as I type this?

This is what I think: In a previous post I mentioned that this blogging addiction has meant I've stopped doing lots of important things in my life, including my back stretches. In other words, I've been slacking again. Except for immediately prior to tennis, I haven't been stretching much at all. I think I've learned the hard way that pre-exercise stretching isn't enough. I've got to make it a part of my daily routine.

I also think the weekend of sun and cocktails contributed to dehydration. Apparently a girl CAN have too much fun.

For those interested, here are books that has been helpful for my lower back.

The yoga instructor recommended this wonderful book: Back Care Basics: A Doctor's Gentle Yoga Program for Back and Neck Pain Relief by Mary Pullig Schatz and William Connor. It has a preface by B.K. Iyengar. With lots of pictures, its divided into sections on the different types of back issues.

Backache: What Exercises Work by Dava Sobel & Arthur C. Klein. I find this book helpful immediately after I've had a back episode. It has gentle stretches that help me get back to the basics of stretching as I work my way back to regular movement.

Treat Your Own Back by Robin McKenzie. This is one of the first books I read about lower back problems. McKenzie is a widely recognized back and spine specialist from New Zealand. Many physical therapy regimens encorporate McKenzie's exercises.





And here's a blog I've been checking out: the backpainblaster blog. Its got selfhelp posts and good back information.