First an airplane terrorist couldn't manage to set off a bomb in his shoe. He was dubbed The Shoe Bomber. Now we've got a terrorist who could barely manage to set fire to his crotch. He was dubbed The Undie Bomber. Or, if you're a faithful Deb on the Rocks reader, he's now Captain Underpants.
But seriously. What's next ? The Earlobe Lobber? The Nostril Nabber? The Bra-Cupped Crusader? The Vaginal Villain?
In response to this most recent on-board bombing bungle, airports in Amsterdam and Nigeria have announced that, in future, they will use full body scans to peep on screen passengers. Security workers will be able to play peek-a-boo, I see you ... ALL of you.
In effect, they will be provided the airport perk of porn-on-demand.
While the screenee, one presumes, will feel embarrassed and violated, the professional peeping toms screening techs will feel titillated and transfixed.
And the passengers in the long waiting lines? Impatience will be replaced with a mix of anxiety and
If these full body scans make it to American airports? It will be a whole new world for the employees of the Transportation Security Administration. Absenteeism rates will plummet. Boredom complaints will vanish.
These workers, may, in fact, be demanding longer shifts, shorter breaks, and fewer vacation hours.
This news of heightened erotica potential for airport security workers may be the perfect answer to the ongoing debate about the unionizing of the TSA.
Future arbitration meetings might sound something like this:
You drop the union bid and we give you unlimited, in-person, pre-flight porn. Deal?
We'll consider it. But first, we will need between-scan conjugal visits. Because, in the words of our former president,
