SEXIEST PERSONS ALIVE

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

it's hard work


First an airplane terrorist couldn't manage to set off a bomb in his shoe. He was dubbed The Shoe Bomber. Now we've got a terrorist who could barely manage to set fire to his crotch. He was dubbed The Undie Bomber. Or, if you're a faithful Deb on the Rocks reader, he's now Captain Underpants.

But seriously. What's next ? The Earlobe Lobber? The Nostril Nabber? The Bra-Cupped Crusader? The Vaginal Villain?

In response to this most recent on-board bombing bungle, airports in Amsterdam and Nigeria have announced that, in future, they will use full body scans to peep on screen passengers. Security workers will be able to play peek-a-boo, I see you ... ALL of you.




In effect, they will be provided the airport perk of porn-on-demand.

While the screenee, one presumes, will feel embarrassed and violated, the professional peeping toms screening techs will feel titillated and transfixed.

And the passengers in the long waiting lines? Impatience will be replaced with a mix of anxiety and






If these full body scans make it to American airports? It will be a whole new world for the employees of the Transportation Security Administration. Absenteeism rates will plummet. Boredom complaints will vanish.

These workers, may, in fact, be demanding longer shifts, shorter breaks, and fewer vacation hours.

This news of heightened erotica potential for airport security workers may be the perfect answer to the ongoing debate about the unionizing of the TSA.

Future arbitration meetings might sound something like this:

You drop the union bid and we give you unlimited, in-person, pre-flight porn. Deal?

We'll consider it. But first, we will need between-scan conjugal visits. Because, in the words of our former president,





27 comments:

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I don't know . . . I'm feeling a little sorry for them. Truthfully there is only a very small percentage of the population that looks good naked.

phd in yogurtry said...

True.
Signed,
One of the Majority

Megan said...

These terrorists are morons. He sets himself on fire? This is the best they have to offer? What a bunch of losers.

Deb said...

OMG this is so horrific I can barely stand envisioning it. You know loops of these vector nakeds will end up on youtube. People all smooshy and lumpity and the men with their sacks of tangerines and all of them walking around like nudists on the moon. I won't do it. I'll bring back train travel. Or hitchhiking. Sure you may get a pat-down, but that is preferable to the scan of no dignity!

Vodka Mom said...

They do NOT want to see what's under my junk.

Happy New Year my friend!! oxoxoxo

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

Um... ew? I'd give those peepers nightmares, I'm sure.

Happy New Year, Doc!

Lisa Wheeler Milton said...

Is it wrong for me to hope for a little profiling? To pull people for the nekkid thing, the ones that have been reported by their own parents? Because me and my grandma and my mascara are not hurting anyone.

I don't like the world my kids are inheriting. I want to be safe but I like our freedoms to my parts private.

And I love that hard work clip. Greg & I have said that line many times.

Happy New Year!

Mental P Mama said...

Wonder what a boob job looks like in that scanner....

g said...

Those scan pictures sure don't look titillating to me! Given the ever-expanding physique of Americans, perhaps the screeners will need hazard pay.

The one thing positive out of this incident is that there are so many funny nicknames and jokes about the Underpants Bomber.

Madge said...

I'm thinking that might be the most depressing job ever -- to have to look at people like that all day.

sherry said...

Sure, there will be a couple Michael Scott-types who will manage to get cheap thrills (boobs!) but honestly, that image is post-apocalypse creepy.

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

The ACLU raised issues with people removing their shoes, I can't imagine they'd be anything but a complete PITA with body scans. Frankly, I'd rather not blow up in the air.

As for the bombers, they need quick trials and executions (if convicted).

Tammy said...

I would not want to be a screener!!

Jason, as himself said...

This is going to be very good for the exhibitionist in me. I think I just may find myself traveling more often.

Laura said...

As long as they are still away from mental scans, I'll be alright. I think that applications for jobs will plummet, afterall, who really wants to see the mass of naked masses?

I have my money on the Comb-over Bomber coming next to a plane near someone.

HP said...

Is there an optional extra for airbrush/photoshop?

My full body scan might be considered an act of terrorism, a crime against humanity, in itself.

Poor them, I say.

Happy New Year, CY

Petrichor said...

Oh, fuck, does this mean I'm going to have to get my bikini line waxed every time I catch a plane?!

Fantastic Forrest said...

I agree with everyone else's comments except Jason's (he is so BAD!) and Petrichor's (what's a bikini line?).

And can I just say thank you for the Tim Curry clip? I LOVE him. Although I must confess I love him most in Muppet Treasure Island. I mean, really love him. But I don't want to see him naked. I just want him to sing to me. Going over to listen to a clip now.

Okay, I'm back. When the airport security people are peeping at my privates, I am just going to go to my happy place and think of Tim Curry serenading me with "A Professional Pirate." That's my coping strategy, thanks to your post's suggestive clip. You really are a great therapist.

Kathleen Scott said...

Oh, I don't think so. With so many of us overweight and out of shape it's hard to image the viewing will be titillating.

As long as I don't have to see, I'm happy.

dianne said...

Lol, I like the comments, yes I might have to have my bikini line waxed every time I fly now, what a painful imposition and have to wear my best underwear ... :/
Thanks for visiting my blog, I have left a little more information about the lemon-scented tea tree there for you.

Happy New Year ♡

Mary said...

I would be apologising to them before they screened !

"I am SO sorry you are about to see what you are about to see!!!"

Magpie said...

my brother's 9mo baby got frisked on their way back from canada. bro wanted to ask the agent if the kid needed a diaper change, but bit his tongue...

~annie said...

Seriously? "Porn-on-demand?" Why should ob/gyns have all the fun?

I'd rather be "peeped" than actually touched all over by a stranger.

Anonymous said...
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Tit for Tat said...

I guess you missed the "rectum" bomber. He had it stashed in his ass and almost blew up a Saudi Prince. Brings a whole new meaning to the word "Constipated".

Thankfully he is no longer full of sheit.;)

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Anonymous said...

Not sure where to post this but I wanted to ask if anyone has heard of National Clicks?

Can someone help me find it?

Overheard some co-workers talking about it all week but didn't have time to ask so I thought I would post it here to see if someone could help me out.

Seems to be getting alot of buzz right now.

Thanks