Monday, February 16, 2009

strung out on black

Berry, that is.
I just got a new barakberry blackberry. I earned it after carrying around a dinosaur of a cell phone for the past few years, waiting patiently for my contract renewal date.

I've been wanting some sort of smart phone ever since I saw Obama with one got my first PDA and realized what a pain it was to keep up with two pieces of tech equipment: charged, updated and on my person. Oh wait, make that three devices, when you count my laptop. Three communication gadgets carried back and forth between home and office. There must be an easier way.

And then there's the butt problem. How does a woman carry a cell phone in her back pocket, a PDA in the other and simultaneously camouflage twenty thirty unwanted pounds of lard ass? Note to Madison Avenue: design women's dress pants with gadget pockets located somewhere besides the derriere and with a bit more style than these:

Back to the crackberry blackberry. Be careful what you wish for because when you get it you won't be able to see the tiny print on the screen, add a phone number, set your speed dial, figure out the bass-ackward keypad, or change the ring tone, even. Be prepared to spend a four day weekend with your eyes squinting at a 2x3 inch screen, shaking it, cursing at it, and realizing your brain has turned to oatmeal.

Yes, I read the manual. Yes, I took the little tutorial. Minimal help. WTF? I have a PhD and a PDA but I can't figure out how to call my own office?

I guess I should swallow my pride and take my know it all tech savvy teenager up on his offer to take over my cell phone teach me. This is why I took such care in the gestating, feeding, caring and protecting of my children, right? So they can one day surpass me and roll their eyes as if to say, "Get out of the way, moron."

But another reason for letting my son do it: Research shows that the teen brain learns so much faster than adult brains, giving them a natural edge at mastering new technology. It explains, for example, how my son's had his laptop less than a year but has already learned more shortcuts than I have picked up in twenty.

And as this video proves, it isn't just me frustrated with the crippled learning curve.
P.S. Pardon the foul language. Or if you're like me, relish it.


Orion said...

i have one of the glydes. i JUST HAD TO HAVE IT... i felt like i would die if i didn't buy it at the very moment...

and if i'm not careful i end up dialing china mid-day just from the electro-magnetism in my pockets.

Maggie May said...

ooo i'm happy for you! i want one.

blognut said...

I just got the Moto Q9 cell. I am limited to PDAs that run Microsoft Mobil because of my network at the office, but we're very happy together so far.... Yay! Have fun with your new gadget!

g said...

My husband's Blackberry spontaneously starts talking to me every time I touch it. It scares me.

And that Sony video is hilarious!

phd in yogurtry said...

orion -- a glyde is one that slides open? i'm so behind on the latest. my blackberry is nearly obsolete!

maggie -- thanks. my lust is temporarily abated.

blognut -- I saw your post after publishing mine... you recently acquired a new device too!

g -- talk to it right and it might touch back :)

Kelli Busey said...

I'm so happy for you!!

flutter said...

you are hilarious...but you do know you can use your crackberry as a PDA?

I know you do, girl!

bernthis said...

where the hell did you find that hilarious video. They dropped about as many f bombs as I do per sentence.

Sunny said...

OMG, glad you've got some teen-professional help here. Good luck with the gadget!

Anonymous said...

Congrats on your blackberry! It's what I want, but I only got a strawberry for my birthday. Ok, I'll quit complaining since it topped a moulten chocolate lava cake. ;-)


Becca said...

I laughed so hard at that video my boss actually came in to see what was up. good thing he has a sense of humor (and an iphone)

Blue Mountains Mary said...

I'm loving me some iphone (new purchase) atm.

My 12 year old boy is such a comfort to me in the technology department!

Dr. Deb said...

YOur post made me lol!

Anonymous said...

I can't wait to get my iPhone - it will be my present to myself when I get home! It'll probably be the only thing that makes me get on that plane to come home!

But yes, the youngest just know. I can hand my sons (even the seven year old) some piece of technology I have valiantly done battle with for an hour and they just smile, push a few buttons and hand it back fixed or doing what I want. My son can even give menu by menu instructions from afar whilst doing something else. Amazing.

I hate having anything in my pockets.

Andrea Frazer - Pass the Zoloft said...

You are officially the funniest person ever.

Stacie said...

HAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!......HAAAAAAAHAAAAAA!!!! I love this. I wish I could put this on my fridge but I wouldn't know how to do that either.

Hip Mom's Guide said...

Yes, the pants are an idea to consider...

Gotta say, I'm an iPhone girl myself. Wouldn't trade it for all the crack(berry) in the world.

Your teen will help. They just know stuff we don't. Good luck!

Alison said...

Er Moron from Australia here - what's a PDA? Does that make me look really stupid in these pants?

What a great post! I like to swear too!

Laura said...

Makes me yearn for channels 2, 4, 5, 7, 9, 11 and 13. And yearn, too, to say: "It's your turn to get up and change the channel." Newer is not always better.

I have no qualms showing that I know nothing about technology to my kids. It's a trade-off, they do something for me and I prove that I am not perfect.

Vodka Mom said...

THAT was fucking hysterical.

Trying real hard to move on said...

I'm glad I wasn't eating or drinking when I watched that....I'd have either choked or spewed. I say "stupid piece of shit" daily.

Ironically, I was sitting here on the couch while watching that video. I had just given up on trying to watch a little CNN. We've had this new TV for a year. 90% of the time you turn on the TV and it comes on. Other 10% something is screwed up. I have to wait until kid #2 gets home from school to fix it. She's the only one who can figure it out. She's 11. :O

jenji said...


That video clip was freaking hysterical!

Loved it!

Good luck with your new gadget. You'll learn to love it. It just might not love you back.

be well,

phd in yogurtry said...

kelli -- thanks, but I'm not sure I can say it has brought me happiness quite yet. booger.

flutter -- yes, or so I'm told. I hope to get there one day.

bernthis -- a friend forwarded it to me.

sunny -- me too. planning to use my at personal techie as often as necessary.

fringe girl -- at this point, I'd rather have the chocolate lava cake -- doesn't require a manual to enjoy. oh, and happy birthday!

becca -- as long as the boss can share in the laugh, no harm done, right?

blue mountain mary -- yes, comfort is the word. I'm so pleased he's a fast learner and very willing to share with his old, tired, slow-on-the-uptake mom.

rb -- its about time we get something back, huh? something tangible and something that saves us money.

andrea -- aw, thanks. you make me blush (do it again!)

stacie -- now there's an idea. video installed on fridge door. maybe that would distract me and decrease my calorie intake?

hip mom -- hearing iPhones offer much easier learning curve. of course, I hear this AFTER my purchase. argh.

alison -- PDA = personal digital assistant, such as Palm Pilot.

laura -- you are so right. it's a great window of opportunity, when the kids get to be "right" and "tell mom what to do" for once!

trying real hard -- and I can't program the VCR. I am deathly afraid of digital recording devices.

jenjii -- I don't expect love, or respect. I just hope it will cut me a tiny sliver of slack.

A. said...

I am required to have one for work, but I prefer my low-tech personal cell. No camera, nothing fancy. The one redeeming thing about the Blackberry is Brickbreaker. I'm not even a video-game girl, but I'm addicted.

Deb said...

Ok. I need to say that Obama is fucking hot in that picture.

Whew. Now I feel better. Or, hot and bothered.

Brigit said...

I'm such a ludite. Something as multifuncional as a blackberry, I'd only ever use it as a phone, because working the rest of it out would frustrate the crap out of me. I make calls rather than text, because I'm so slow at it. Firstly I struggle to see the letters. No, I don't know where they are without looking. Secondly we don't get mobile reception at home unless you stick the phone on the ceiling in my daughter's room, or stand in the middle of the road. I really am just an Australian country girl, who'd rather holler out "cooee" and hope to be heard, than fiddle around with all that gadgetry.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

I am happy for you and your new Blackberry boyfriend.

JCK said...

My mom. Yes, my mom. Keeps RAVING on and on about her new iPhone. Supposedly it is very user friendly. I feel for you.

Raj said...

LOL.. I had an aweful experience with Sony's Sonicstage and I totally agree with the video. :)
cool blog, btw. I love, "Tell me about your mother...." :D