Tuesday, February 22, 2011

telephone bust

This post by Blue Yak got me thinking about one of my most embarrassing on-the-phone moments.

I was maybe a junior in college. I was kinda seeing, kinda dating but mostly just wanting to be friends with this guy who I will call Thomas.

I really liked Thomas. He was a kind, smart, shy, poetic stoner with twinkly brown eyes and some of the most awesome, sexy hair. I think he had gone to my school but maybe dropped out, partly due to his extra curriculars but mostly due to finances.

Thinking back, and this could be a complete fabrication at this point, he was a mix between Jim Morrison and Seth Rogen.

The hair was Seth, only a lot longer. The eyes, definitely Jim.

Thomas also made one of the best omelettes I had ever eaten. To this day, I add a little bit of water to my eggs in his honor. Makes the omelette light and fluffy. He might have been wifty but he made an amazing omelette.

Back to the phone story. Thomas hung around my apartment a lot. It was one of those Saturday mornings where he was acting a little too comfortable, like he might just stay around for life the whole weekend. But I had other plans. I was trying to figure out a way to ditch him kindly get him to go home.

What I came up with was pathetic this:

I had my roommate knock and tell me that so-and-so had called while I was out and asked that I call her back.

This was in prehistoric times, by the way, before answering machines, let alone cell phones. (Really, though? How did we manage to date without answering machines and cell phones? I'll tell you how. We stupid stupid women sat at home by the phone. And it really really sucked.)

So I picked up the phone but pressed on the disconnect button and pretended to have a conversation with so-and-so. Where the gist was, "Oh hey, that's right, so-and-so. I forgot we were going to go there this afternoo----"

At this very moment the phone chose to ring. The phone I was holding in my hand and having a pretend conversation, rang.


Thomas was lying on the floor, I remember, watching me the whole time. Because that's what he did, mostly.

I quickly released the button then hung up on the true caller. I tried to play it off. Badly. To Thomas I said,

"Huh? What just happened? That was weird. Wasn't it?!"

With an ever growing confused look on his face he tilted his head as if to say, Huh is right?

"I guess we got disconnected somehow while I was ... uh ... you know ... talking to her."

I don't remember too much after that. I do remember then, and now, being grateful, that he was a stoner. Thinking he might have just thought, "That was weird, dude." Nothing more. Feelings spared. But I doubt even he was that clueless.

Any embarrassing dating phone moments out there?


Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

People these days have NO idea how tough it was back then! You could call a boy's house and no caller ID would bust you. You could sit all night waiting for someone to call without a Facebook update telling you why they weren't. You could devise codes to talk privately in the middle of your family's kitchen, because the cord attached you to the wall instead of walking away with a cordless phone to a private location.

Susan said...

Our phone was on the wall between the kitchen and family room but right next to the sliding door to the backyard, so I would head out the door if the phone was for me - no mattert he weather!

And forget having someone hang up the phone after a manic dash to use the upstairs extension, I had four younger siblings who delighted in making obnoxious noises and comments to whoever was on the phone.

Jenn @ Youknow...that Blog? said...

I'm fairly certain I've banished all embarrassing episodes from my brain... it's all roses and rainbows in there. Hrm... sounds like maybe I was more like Thomas? (Nah, I never did that stuff)

Ah, corded phones. We're dinosaurs, you realize...

Lee said...

That was a doozy! I can't remember any phone escapades...but I did get caught tee-peeing a house with my friends.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I was showing the movie Secretariat to some 9th graders and they were howling with laughter when the mom calls a pay phone at the school. I had to give them a "back in the day" lecture.

slow panic said...

i can't decide if it's worse or better now. i don't miss dating, that's for sure.

Magpie said...

Wifty? That's a new one.

yogurt said...

Green Girl -- I thought about this the other day. No more calls / hang ups to the ex-boyfriend after a breakup just to hear his voice. With caller ID he knows it's you.

Susan -- We had a wall phone with short cord but could reach into the little bathroom off the kitchen. So most of my early wooing was done over the toilet.

Magpie -- Wifty is in the M-W dictionary, defined as "ditzy!"

Anonymous said...

We got three way calling when I was in junior high. This inspired several months were my girl friends and I would call boys and while someone else listened without their knowledge. All kinds of bad things still gives me chills to think about it. I'm so thankful I'm not 13.

Anonymous said...

Cute story! It's hard to even think back to times without voicemail and cell phones.