In one particular backyard in Austin.
One flower bed of parched and brown-leafed zinnias.
One evaporated and moldy bird bath.
AKA huggies, if you are blonde and live in south Jersey.
One empty and discarded beer can.
Too hot to pick it up.
It's that hot.
One downed pink flamingo.
Flamingo's have been known to revive when provided a bucket of ice and Corona Light. Or, I'm pretty sure that's what international flamingo expert, Debbie, told us. But only when there's a zesty lime wedge balanced on the rim of a long neck, I think were her exact instructions. Or was that for the revival of a heat-zapped landowner? I can't remember.
I do know one full-proof method for beating the heat:
Add more heat.