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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

pass that wand to me, please

Blognut at More Mindless Rambling wishes she knew magic whenever her kids ask her to find their lost items.
Well I say to Blognut, if you find that elusive magic wand, pass it to me, please. And I will then immediately pass that wand right over to my kids. Leave me out of the equation altogether, thank you so much.

I don't want to know that the goggles have grown fins and swam away for the thousandth millionth time this summer.

I don't want to be distracted by the search for a matching pair of socks because noone bothers to go through the unmatched sock bucket sitting right on top of the dresser.

That goes double for the husband looking for his mango pomegranite yogurt in the fridge but refuses to kneel down before the altar of the bottom shelf and move the tupperware containers blocking the view. No, he wants me to kneel down. He always wants me to kneel down. What is up with that? Zheesh.

25 comments:

Sinda said...

You're home for what, 5 minutes, and already with a hilarious post?

No one else over here kneels down, either - just me.

phd in yogurtry said...

The post was in the ready with plans to publish while away ... because we were told there would be WiFi in the cabins. WRONG.

blognut said...

Hey! If I find that magic wand, I'll let you know.

Meanwhile, get off your knees and tell him to find his own yogurt!

phd in yogurtry said...

blognut -- And I'll tell him "blognut said!"

bernthis said...

okay, my dirty filthy mind has the answer to that last question but I will refrain from sharing

phd in yogurtry said...

bernthis -- you are not alone. thank goodness.

Jason, as himself said...

Uh, huh. I think it is people like you and me that have unwittingly become THE ENABLERS. Those who need people like us have become so out of sheer laziness and willingness to depend on people like us who fall for their helpless routine over and over and over.

So how are we gonna stop?

phd in yogurtry said...

jason -- we "just say no!" (with wand in hand, of course)

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Your swim goggles may have run away with my beach towels.

Jocelyn said...

I used to roll my eyes at my mom when she'd announce, like some kind of martyr, "How come only mothers can find things?"

Damn her predictive wisdom. I'm living it out now. Except, in a moment of beauty, I was looking last week for a missing library book, and my mom was visiting from CA--and it was SHE who found it. Senior Motherhood trumps.

Nulaanne said...

I always tell them "A uterus is not a tracking device find your own Sh*t!" Eventualy they quit asking or learn to look for themselves.

phd in yogurtry said...

jenn -- no complaints with the beach towels. mine multiply. the horny bastards.

jocelyn -- ah, library books. an entirely new post.

nulanne -- the uterus! the one word that might actually work on my kids. they might even avoid me for weeks at a time!

Reinvent Dad said...

Oh, I have a unmatched sock 'basket' in the closet and that mango pomegranite yogurt is Target's brand...right? My wife loves it.

stephanie (bad mom) said...

I want the magic wand that makes my kids stop nagging each other. Stupefy!

Your husband won't kneel? I'm so sorry... ;O

phd in yogurtry said...

r-dad -- I don't think I've ever bought yogurt at Target. Lots of other stuff, but not yogurt. I think it might be HEB brand. That's a large chain of Texas grovery stores short for H.E.Butts. No kidding.

stephanie - yes! a wand to end the constant needling. "if you don't have anything nice to say..." just ain't cutting it.

as for husband, note that I said he will not kneel before the altar of the bottom shelf. 'nuff said.

powdergirl said...

Hi, new here, that was funny : D

I just wanted to say that I think its just fine to kneel down when you WANT to kneel down.

Other than that, people should get their own damn yogurt.

Duyvken said...

Hilarious!

Margo said...

reminds me of a joke about the perfect woman, a flat head and a beer can. Never mind. I'm not supposed to like that joke. Hope you had a great vacation!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

He always wants you kneeling down. Heh.

I tell my husband when he's standing in front of the refrigerator not finding it, "You have to MOVE things." Gee, since when did stuff ever pop out and say, "HERE I AM!" No. It does not say that. It's only when we kneel down, MOVE things, and grab it, that the words are, "HERE it is!"

They'd rather play lame than move things. Blah.

My turn to have the wand. Pass it over here.

Dr. Deb said...

One of my favorite expressions when something or someone requires skills beyond my reach is that "I'm working without a wand".

So when you get one, please allow me to borrow it.

imom said...

You are too funny!

If you ever find one of those wands I could use it when you're done!

Mrs. G. said...

Hey Dr. Yogurt, due to laptop issues I can respond to emails but not initiate them. Would you email me at mrs.ggggggggggggggg@gmail.com

I just have a couple of questions. Thanks.

Tit for Tat said...

Damn, nothing like a wife kneeling for yogurt. ;P

Maggie May said...

i'll have one, too.

Andrea Frazer - Pass the Zoloft said...

My Aunt in Law gave her kids one free pass a year to go home and get their lost items. After that, they were on their own. Perhaps I'll adopt that. Her kids turned out okay!