I am in a fashion crisis. I need your help. Opinions. Suggestions. Sympathy.
From women of experience.
I have long resisted wearing thongs for reasons that, I'm certain, are not unique to me: the anticipated discomfort of allowing, well, a strap, for lack of a better word, to wedge between my sensitive southern skinfolds.
But I decided to be adventurous yesterday. I tried on a pair.
Eureka! They felt good. Surprisingly awesome. I liked the airy sensation. The freedom. I never would have imagined.
Bought them. And a second pair in a different color. Brave new thongy me.
Got them home. Modeled them for my husband. He wasn't as excited as I was.
Not to worry. I was undeterred. I wasn't going to let his, or anyone's, lack of enthusiasm get in the way of my newfound happiness.
I wore them around the house as I went about my usual business.
Suddenly, I was seized with pain. The strap was rubbing my, er, crack. One side, in particular. Felt like it was hitting bone.
A toe knuckle, to be precise.
The thong strap was rubbing the inside of my second toe. Leaving a red mark.
So I ask you, lucky wearers of the thong, is there an art to finding a pair that do not cause wincing pain upon prolonged wear?
Or, as I fear, is there a foot type that is simply unable to enjoy this style of footwear?
I have a wide foot with short toes. Paddle foot, as my own personal queer-pal-for-the-straight-gal so delicately phrased it. My second toe is shorter than my third. You don't see that very often.
We are a small, unfortunate tribe.
So small, in fact, that when I was shoe browsing yesterday, I saw one of the first other short-second-toed women ever. Sister!! I wanted to shout. Wanted to hug her, truth be known. But refrained. Didn't want her running off to report a suspected toe fetishist to the store manager.
So here's my serious question: Am I the only woman who suffers from thong envy? Who is missing out on the thousands of cute springy styles? Who must limit her shoe fashion to clunky slides? The dreaded comfortable shoe?