Thursday, May 27, 2010

thong envy

I am in a fashion crisis. I need your help. Opinions. Suggestions. Sympathy.

From women of experience.

Wearing thongs.

I have long resisted wearing thongs for reasons that, I'm certain, are not unique to me: the anticipated discomfort of allowing, well, a strap, for lack of a better word, to wedge between my sensitive southern skinfolds.

But I decided to be adventurous yesterday. I tried on a pair.

Eureka! They felt good. Surprisingly awesome. I liked the airy sensation. The freedom. I never would have imagined.

Bought them. And a second pair in a different color. Brave new thongy me.

Got them home. Modeled them for my husband. He wasn't as excited as I was.

Not to worry. I was undeterred. I wasn't going to let his, or anyone's, lack of enthusiasm get in the way of my newfound happiness.

I wore them around the house as I went about my usual business.

Suddenly, I was seized with pain. The strap was rubbing my, er, crack. One side, in particular. Felt like it was hitting bone.

A knuckle.

A toe knuckle, to be precise.

The thong strap was rubbing the inside of my second toe. Leaving a red mark.

So I ask you, lucky wearers of the thong, is there an art to finding a pair that do not cause wincing pain upon prolonged wear?

Or, as I fear, is there a foot type that is simply unable to enjoy this style of footwear?

I have a wide foot with short toes. Paddle foot, as my own personal queer-pal-for-the-straight-gal so delicately phrased it. My second toe is shorter than my third. You don't see that very often.

We are a small, unfortunate tribe.

So small, in fact, that when I was shoe browsing yesterday, I saw one of the first other short-second-toed women ever. Sister!! I wanted to shout. Wanted to hug her, truth be known. But refrained. Didn't want her running off to report a suspected toe fetishist to the store manager.

So here's my serious question: Am I the only woman who suffers from thong envy? Who is missing out on the thousands of cute springy styles? Who must limit her shoe fashion to clunky slides? The dreaded comfortable shoe?



Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

I cannot wear thongs. Um. Anywhere. Of any ilk.

Cannot, will not. Even though abstaining limits our choices, those things HURT! My toes...and I'm sure other areas too, but I'm not even remotely interested in testing THAT theory.

I too have a wide foot, although I think I have otherwise nice feet, so I'm not complaining - they're seriously the last bit of my body that haven't fallen apart, fallen down, or need to be hidden. Yet.

Strange thing is that I was thinking about a similar sassy post as I was browsing sandals on my shopping excursion just this morning. Curse you for taking my brilliant idea ;)

Fabulous day. Have one!

sherry said...

I knew something was up when your huzz didn't express enthusiasm for your modeling of the thong.

I have the opposite inds of toes. In fact, one of the brother-in-laws have dubbed the family toes: the claspers.

Mental P Mama said...

LOL...I was all, get some Hanky Pankies! And then? sigh. I can wear the foot thongs. The other thongs are shoved in the back of my drawer. Along with some smaller bras. sigh.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I finally let my desire to wear thongs override the pain and suffered until I developed calluses. Now I rarely wear anything else.

blognut said...

Wear 'em until you get used to them - you will, I promise.

Suzanne said...

I, too, have duck paddles where my feet should be! I wear thongs (of all kinds), and in my experience, the material makes all kinds of difference. Synthetics rub more; fabric and leather are more comfortable between sensitive toes. And, as Jenn mentions, your sensitivity declines after wearing them for a bit. But try not to over-do, until you've built up more of a tolerance.

Try wearing your new thongs for only a few hours at a time, maybe around the house on the weekend, when you can easily change into another pair before the chafing sets in. I do this with nearly every pair of new shoes, thong or otherwise, to avoid blisters or other ouchies.

I also highly recommend Dr. School's Rub strips. It comes in a purple dispenser like tape and you roll out a piece of cushiony foam and stick it wherever your shoe chafes. You can wrap it around the thong to make it a bit more comfortable. I did that with a pair of cheapie flip flops I got a Old Navy, which I wouldn't have been able to tolerate, otherwise.

yogurt said...

jenn -- I actually wrote this back in April but posted it today... so maybe my ESP was working it's vibe, telling me I'd better post it or lose it.

sherry -- right, cuz you knew he was a butt man, right?

mpm -- back of my drawers? smaller everything.

jenn@juggling -- I've got a cloth pair I'm wearing today. boys style, the only ones I could find wide enough, wah.

blognut -- so far so good, with these fabric thongs, but those leather Borns? there was no way. shooting pains, I tell ya, like they were pressing on my bone.

suzanne -- thanks for all tips. noting and uploading to my blackberry (not really, but it sounds good). and so far you're right about the fabric being a better feel (see above).

Mary said...

Here in Oz we are addicted to wearing rubber thongs (of the sandal variety) which I wear very comfortably.

Put those same toes near a leather pair and I cannot stand it ..

Jocelyn said...

I laughed at your excellent "butt floss" implied lead-in...and again when I saw those Born thongs, which I tried on last week and couldn't wear (unusual for a Born shoe).

Okay, so I never could wear thongs until a life-transforming breakthrough about four years ago: Teva flipflops. If you have a DSW Warehouse, you can get them there...or at Trade Home...or at running stores...or, well, tons of places. The Teva flipflop was a revelation. Along the same line are the Reef flipflops. Soft, soft, soft. Comfy beyond compare.

My mid-sixties-ish mother-in-law visited last week, and before I was done with her, she had a pair of Teva thongs!

Magpie said...

I hated flipflops for years. But I have a pair from EMS that I kind of like. I think they have a fabric piece that goes between the toes...

Deb said...

Ha! You got me to jump over from my feedreader with that one.

Not all thongs are created equal. I only like thongs if the base of the shoe has give. Too straight/strong of a shoe, and the thong hurts. The bottom of the shoe has to bend.

I didn't know I had so much thong expertise.

Tammy said...

Ok, that last slip on is really cute! I've found I can only wear soft fabric type thongs, unless I want to suffer! :) Shoes not undergarments! So I have no advice for you.

Susan said...

The lightweight and fabric thongs are much easier to wear. The heavier ones need to have a strap that goes over the top of the foot (over the arch of the foot) which takes the weight off the front of the sandle and helps relieve the toes. I was a former non-thong wearer, too. It took a while to figure it all out.

Judy said...

The shoe thongs rub blisters on the inside of my toes. The other thongs really have no purpose. Might as well wear nothing. And have you seen the panty liners for the thongs? Cracks me up....oops that was a pun I guess. I hate to say it but granny panties are comfie and most shoe thongs are not comfortable. I prefer clunky sandals with socks. Never with shorts or capris. I do have some standards. Funny post.

Andrea Frazer - Pass the Zoloft said...

LOL. YOu should just take over my column. Very very sneaky.

I hate thongs. Of both sorts. My cracks need padding.

Fantastic Forrest said...

I hate thongs. My toes do not appreciate being separated.

Repeat after me: Slides are not clunky. They are hawt.

Aunt Snow said...

rubber thongs, no problem. Fancy leather ones? No way - I don't know why.

I also can't really wear slides - I slide right out of them. My sandals have to have a heel strap.

Suzanne said...

As I'm sure you probably already figured out, I meant Dr. Scholl's, not Dr. School's. This is what I was talking about.

Lynne's Somewhat Invented Life said...

I was shocked that any store would let you try a pair on before buying. And then the truth. What a good laugh.

Hey, at least you have a tribe. Everyone should have a tribe. Maybe 2nd toe shortness is a sign of royalty. You never know.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't lie without my flip flops. I happen to be one of those people whose foot is designed for them. I have a nice big space between by big toe and second toe into which a thong fits perfectly. That being said I have a bit of slide envy. I like how they look on other people but they just don't work for me. So I guess it's a grass is always greener on the other side thing...Cute post, BTW. You had me going there for a minute. Ew.

Anonymous said...

oops I meant I couldn't LIVE without my flip flops. Sorry.

yogurt said...

lynne -- I did read somewhere that a shorter second toe is a sign of a chromosomal defect. Not necessarily but could be. Though, might be, since royalty tend to have a higher rate of genetic abnormalities given their long history of inbreeding?

sara -- maybe that's part of it. not much space between my big toe and second toe.

smalltownmom said...

Wait, I think I'm a cousin to your paddle foot tribe! Wide feet and short toes, although my toes 2 and 3 are the same length. I too have shoe envy.