stay at home depression

Years ago, when I found out I would have three children under the age of three, I decided to resign from my agency job, stay home with my kids and gradually transition to private practice. I was nervous but excited. I was going to be a stay at home mom, something I had never planned on. I savored the idea of devoting myself to my kids, free from the distractions of working outside the home, at least for a while. Living on one income, we had to scale back on discretionary expenses. We fired our cleaning lady and ate fewer meals out. One day, knee deep in dirty diapers and even dirtier high chair trays, I had a depressing thought: As a sahm I felt like a glorified maid. Yes, I was home raising my kids but I was spending most of my time doing laundry, cleaning house, washing bottles, and preparing food. How tedious it was to dice grapes for three kids! And how I dreaded cleaning those dried up and crusted over high chair trays! I loved the time with my kids and I'm glad I had that time with them, but I found that the joys were often outweighed by the burden of the daily chores. I had never liked house cleaning and the more kids I had to clean up after, the less I liked it. When potty training was in full swing? I found I had sunk to an all new energy low. I was clinically depressed and reached for help. Now, years later, back to work in a hectic but thriving practice, I've never felt better. I still find cleaning up after my kids unpleasant but now I have the satisfaction of a work life to add balance.

These sahm years came rushing back, in a rather tongue in cheek backward glance, when I read the summary of a recent study by the National Survey on Drug Use and Health. You can also read a summary here. This survey looked at rates of depression among various occupations. Major depression was reported most frequently in the following four types of jobs: Personal Care and Service, Food Prep and Serving, Social Services, and Health Care. Yep, that about covered it.

This isn't to say, of course, that there aren't plenty of moms (and dads) who feel great being a sah parent. More power to them. But for me, it wasn't a good fit. I was happier working and I believe my kids are better for it, too.