Goodbye Cruel World.
Because there are times when the world is too harsh, too unforgiving, too filled with head lice.
Our first battle was five years ago. Two second graders and one fifth grader. Three long haired kids, thousands of strands to be searched.
We managed to rid the oldest two of their affliction within two weeks. The third child? Long, fine, light brown, copper highlighted locks where lice loved to linger? Took months. A good six months, maybe nine. Some of the worst months of child rearing, I do know that. Nights of crying, whining, howling and growling from the child who, it became apparent, could least bear the suffering.
So of course, this time around, it has to be the copper headed child whose group of friends invited us back to Lice Nation.
I discovered the lice midnight Friday. Which meant delivering the most devastating news of all to a middle school girl's ears: no sleepovers and no slumber parties.
And so everyday for the next several weeks her dad and I will sitting on our picnic table, in the bright sunlight, hunched over our child's head, ensconced in coke bottle glasses bought specifically for the purpose, diligently combing.
Because if there's one tip that I recommend? That finally ended our months of failed attempts?
Reading glasses. The strongest power glasses and the cheapest you can find (thank you Dollar Store).
You may look like a middle aged, transgender Buddy Holly while you're at it but you'll be able to see those little mo-fo Phthiraptera basturds and get your life back.