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Thursday, April 21, 2011

are you there god? it's me, texas.


You may have seen the story on the national news. A wildfire burnt 100 acres in southwest Austin last Sunday. Five homes were burnt to the ground, twenty homes damaged.

Apparently enough smoke and ash made it's way to our fair Governor's temporary mansion that he felt touched in the head enough compelled to issue an official proclamation.

Governor Good Hair proclaimed the next three days official Days of Prayer for Rain in Texas.

Yes, you read that right.

Days of Prayer for Rain.

Now call me a cynic, but I had to read it for myself, word for word, on the Governor's official website to believe it and take three shots of tequila to keep from pulling every single hair from my pretty little head.

Here's an excerpt:

"WHEREAS, throughout our history, both as a state and as individuals, Texans have been strengthened, assured and lifted up through prayer; it seems right and fitting that the people of Texas should join together in prayer to humbly seek an end to this devastating drought and these dangerous wildfires;

NOW, THEREFORE, I, RICK PERRY, Governor of Texas, under the authority vested in me by the Constitution and Statutes of the State of Texas, do hereby proclaim the three-day period from Friday, April 22, 2011, to Sunday, April 24, 2011, as Days of Prayer for Rain in the State of Texas. I urge Texans of all faiths and traditions to offer prayers on that day for the healing of our land, the rebuilding of our communities and the restoration of our normal way of life."

This auspicious proclamation lead me into deep embarrassment thought:

1. Does a rain dance comply with the proclamation?

2. Did Governor Perry check the doppler radar before issuing his proclamation?

3. Surely it will rain somewhere in the 268,820 square miles of Texas before the weekend is out, right? But that leads me to wonder: Does it have to rain during the next three days to deem the proclaimtion prayers officially answered? Or can it rain, say, a month from now and still count? A year? I mean, God has a lot on his plate right now what with answering the prayers of victims of tsunamis, war crimes and cancer. It would make sense if he were to put off a mere drought. Right?

4. Is it true that there is no term limit applied to the governorship of Texas? Can we maybe pray for the state legislature to work on changing that?

5. How the hell did I come to live in this bass-ackward state?


15 comments:

Angeliki said...

That is so funny and your questions/thoughts are spot on! I can't help but imagine Texans dancing around the woods semi-naked, praying to the God of rain.

hokgardner said...

I posted a link to Salon's article on this yesterday on FB.

I'm just appalled that instead of actually doing something about climate change he's asking us to pray.

And does this mean that it hasn't been raining in Texas because folks haven't been praying hard enough already?

The man is a punk-ass chump.

sandy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
yogurt said...

angeliki -- oh but this IS Texas. there will be clothes on. except in Austin. you might see some nekkid dancing in Barton Springs, but that's just on any given day ;)

hokgardner -- my husband asked the same question. what have texans done to deserve this dry wrath? or certain texans, in high office?

Aunt Snow said...

Well, if he's going to start praying for things, Texas could use a bunch of stuff. Maybe he could make a list?

And let's just hope his rain doesn't come with hailstones and tornadoes.

Sassy B. said...

So, is this nut going to end up on the Republican presidential ticket?

BTW - That is a fantastic graphic.

Tammy said...

Seriously?! Just when I think politicians can't get any worse... I read my husband the excerpt of the proclamation and he said, "I feel like sticking my finger down my throat." Then he inquired about doing a rain dance, haha.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

The weather in San Diego is lovely. Just sayin'.

A government official asking people to pray to God seems to me (you know, as a logical person) the state advocating religion.

Jenn @ Youknow...that Blog? said...

Love it :) You may have all the rain we're having up here right now. I will even do an anti-rain dance to make it head in that direction.

JCK said...

Mmm...Texas IS very good at embarassing itself. However, no matter where you live...we all have embarassing moments. So, you are not alone. Well...maybe in the rain prayer.

I'm wishing you Easter prayers, instead. ;) Hope you have a great weekend!

The Girl Next Door said...

As much as I believe in the power of prayer, something strikes me as odd when the Governor calls for it publicly? I think we might have something like a Constitution that addresses this issue. Plus, yeah, why didn't he just ask everyone to do a Rain Dance? Sounds much more effective...

Susan said...

So are they just praying too much in those parts of the country which are flooded?

Kathleen Scott said...

YES and I say again YES, a rain dance is prayer. More particularly if the dancers are naked, which is probably a better inducement to the heavens to open.

And you're not really surprised at the governor are you? An ex-TAMU cheerleader? A man with more hair than brains? The real scary thing is that he was elected by a popular vote.

So knowing that, why would you, a person in the making-sane profession, live anywhere else? You'll NEVER run out of work.

Jocelyn said...

I adore you. My reaction is completely aligned with yours--because WTF, people? Are you kidding? This is like an article in The Onion, it's so satirical feeling. Yet the satire is all too true, eh?

Magpie said...

Oy.