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Thursday, January 13, 2011

help. I suffer from AID.




Astrological Idendity Disorder.

For more years than I care to reveal I've been solid in my ability to answer the dreaded question, "What's your sign?"

Aires has been my firm answer.

Til now.

According to experts of the astrological kind, "Due to the Earth's changing alignment in the last 3000 years" the sign I was born into is now different.

I'm now, these experts say, a Pisces.

But hold on. That's my mother's sign.

I know a little something about her sign. I used to read her forecast when I was in high school: Will Mom let me borrow her car tonight or won't she?

But now, it's me who is the Pisces. Which means not only is my face developing wrinkles in the same place as hers, my personality has become her. That life long fear of turning into my mother? Yeah. It's happening. Right before my very stars.

Whereas before I was:

- Independent
- Generous
- Optimistic
- Enthusiastic
- Courageous

Now I am:

- Compassionate
- Adaptable
- Accepting
- Devoted
- Imaginative

Not so bad. And as it turns out, Pisces is more like me. Which means my worst nightmare has come true.

I am more like my mother than I am like myself.

Here are the new signs with their new date configurations.

Capricorn: Jan. 20 - Feb. 16
Aquarius: Feb. 16 - March 11
Pisces: March 11- April 18
Aries: April 18- May 13
Taurus: May 13- June 21
Gemini: June 21- July 20
Cancer: July 20- Aug. 10
Leo: Aug. 10- Sept. 16
Virgo: Sept. 16- Oct. 30
Libra: Oct. 30- Nov. 23
Scorpio: Nov. 23- Nov. 29
Ophiuchus: Nov. 29- Dec. 17
Sagittarius: Dec. 17- Jan. 20

So now my question is, how do I answer that age-old smarmy getting-to-know-you question? Never mind that I'm not in the dating game and haven't been asked this question in over twenty years.

Although, I do recall a recent conversation at a bar with an Asian woman obviously new to this country. Trying to strike up conversation and, apparently, sound American, she asked,

"What sign you are?"
Which sounded to me like, "What's eye you are?"
To which I asked, "Pardon?"
To which she replied, "What's eye is that?"
To which I asked, "Excuse me?"

This went back and forth until a few beers questions later we finally got on track.

"Oh! I'm Aires!" I practically leaped, grateful that she wasn't both unfamilliar with the language AND mentally disturbed.

You might have noticed from the list that there's a new sign on the astrological block:


Ophiuchus (OFF-ee-YOO-kuss), which, after a few beers, might sound like "Aw fee-uck you us."

And which also means, if you are born between November 29th and Dec. 17th, you get to tell that smarmy bar fly with the 70's mustache what your sign is and to f*ck off at the same time.

What about you, reader? Are you undergoing a personality change right before your very stars?

24 comments:

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

yogurt said...

Cheri -- It was on the evening news. I swear!

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Its all so confusing...

I'm a true Gemini.

Sophia the Writer said...

hahahha this is so hilarious

I agreed with your comment on ella's blog about envying the enthusiasm of the "adults" in class

So I saw on twitter, cuz that's just as reliable as facebook, that this new "f*ck us" sign only applies to people born after 1998. I'm gonna stick by that.

Angeliki said...

I've changed sign and personality as well! I'm Gemini now, just like my mother...

But to be honest I prefer that, Cancer=passive and family oriented, Gemini=smart and decisive, much better!

Valerie said...

Nope - still a stubborn goat. So are they going to change the Chinese Zodiac too? Add another animal so those of us born in the year of the dog will now be wandering looking for our new astrological foodbowl? Maybe a new feng shui element, earth, air, fire, water, and marshmallow? Yep, still a Capricorn, and still think most news is hooey. :) Fun post!

Crystal said...

I'm an Aries all the way. My father and brother are both Aries too, and I can assure you that none of us are the sweet, compassionate Pisces types. So I say bollocks.

slow panic said...

WHAT???? I don't want to stop being an Aries (birthday April 13)!!!! NO!!!!

Kind of shocked this is disturbing me so much....

Becca said...

ummm, suddenly I'm a scorpio? weird.

Coffeypot said...

I was a Libra, always looking for the balance in life. Now I'm a Virgo - a Virgin looking to get laid.

Mental P Mama said...

I refuse to even look at it.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'm an Aries too--and still am apparently. I read another article that said that since astronomy and astrology are actually not related astrology was sticking with the original signs.

I am soooo not a Pisces!

Nulaanne said...

It says that I am now a Taurs. Looking at what that says I and comparing it what I "was". I am still a Gemini. There is nothing in what Taurs says that fits me.

Jenn @ Youknow...that Blog? said...

Hrm. I'm still a Cancer... but what I heard on the news was that it only applied to the "eastern zodiac", and not the one we follow in the west. Or... something like that. I'm too lazy to go look it up :)

JCK said...

Still a Virgo. And I was really hoping for a change...

Tammy said...

Yay! I'm the new Aw fee-uck you us sign! I guess I better go do some research and see how accurate it is. Fun stuff!

Rachel Cotterill said...

Apparently mine has changed, too. Now I'm an I-don't-know-what instead of a goat :)

apathy lounge said...

I heard about it yesterday. Can 't believe it. I'm an Aries too and it really fits my personality more. How can I POSSIBLY be a Pisces?

Kathleen Scott said...

Funny post. I missed this earth-shattering news somehow. Although I'm still the same Acquarius...which never exactly fit anyway and for which I always said that was because I had a downward facing dog moon or something.

Jocelyn said...

My hubs says this was floating around FB the other week, with everyone freaking out, and then all of a sudden all the FB-ers backed off and went, "Oh, hey, wait a minute. Or not."

Anyhow, he also points out that if a change has, in fact, taken place, it hasn't affected his life one bit. He maintains we're the same people we've been all along.

Damn reasonable Norwegian types. I'm ready to scream with you (do we share a bday? I'm March 25th)...

oldspouse said...

I was born Nov 29! Hey hoo! Does make me an ofu..ok okeefenokee?

or..

Sunny said...

Luckily, I'm still Pisces :)

Hmmm.. I'm indeed undergoing a personality change right before my very stars. Aren't we all? It doesn't have to do anything with the Earth's changing alignment in the last 3000 years though.

Jason, as himself said...

I know. I've been switched, too. Now I'm a Capricorn where I used to be an Aquarius. They can't just do that to people.

Good thing I find it a bunch of bogus bunk!

Magpie said...

According to that, I'm a Sagittarius.

Which I'm not.

But what the hell happened to poor Scorpio? Nov. 23 to Nov. 29 is SEVEN days.