Tuesday, September 04, 2012

airport observations

My summer ended faster than expected.  At the last minute I had to fly out of town, to my nation's capital and then to my hometown in Joisey.  Too much time on my hands, between the hours before takeoff and mind numbing layovers, I took notice of my fellow fliers.
--Young women in swingy, flowy mini-dresses should not carry backpacks unless they want people behind them to watch their dresses hike up their asses.  Something about the positioning of the pack over fabric and the swaying of hips causes the dress to mimic a rising curtain.  Given the array of dimples I witnessed, this shocked observer wondered if the young woman was wearing a thong or nothing at all. 

--Hulky muscley guys are so, so not attractive.  They are like some tanned species of hairless ape in clothing.  It doesn't help that I imagine the hours and hours of grunting in front of a mirror as they painstakingly cultivate all those bulgy muscles.  Not attractive either.  

--Ditto not attractive, those tall athletic males who hawk a loogie into a planter not four feet from my own feet.  You were good looking until you made me gag.  

On a side note, someone feel free to explain one of the most mysterious unknowns plaguing me since childhood:  Is there an evolutionary reason why men spit so much? Equally appreciated would be a corresponding explanation for why women (read, this particular woman, me) seemingly lack the physical capability of spitting properly.  Why, instead of ridding the throat of irritating mucous, do my attempts cause only a fit of coughing and gagging and teary eyes which, maddeningly generates even more mucous.  

Ok, so back to ass cheeks.  Anyone want to take a guess as to which famous person these belong?


Lisa Shafer said...

So, August had more than just 2 full moons for you this year, then?

Coffeypot said...

Long blond hair...Rod Stewart.

Anonymous said...

At least she's wearing full panties, right?? In this day and age, that's a miracle in itself.

shrink on the couch said...

ADoC, My thoughts exactly. I'm flabbergasted she isn't wearing a thong.

cookingwithgas said...

she was and is a pretty nice women with her own baggage packed tightly in her southern ways, but enough about my mother let's talk about the masses...

At least she was not wearing PJ's- which seems to be the dress code for here.
Please put some clothes on and at least act like you are trying.
I fully expect a remote for the TV and cracker crumbs if you are in your PJ's and lord don't bother with the hair.

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

At least she wore undergarments!
My husband's a spitter--that's actually how we first met. He spat and I chewed him a new one.
Disgusting habit.

Jenn @ You know... that Blog? said...

With you on SO many levels!! Overly bulging muscles are a turn off for me. I suspect a link between big muscles and small brains.

Also can't stop myself from uttering the word "PIG!" when people spit anywhere near me. It's automatic, and one day will get me run over by a car driven by said pig.

Ass cheeks? Sleazy is as sleazy does.

Still not packing... but will watch my back, per your advice ;)

Teri said...

I can't wait to see who this person is. You will tell us, right? And, were you just lucky to have your camera out and at-the-ready or is this photo from a mag?

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I have the spitting conversation with my husband frequently. It's so gross.

I wear a lot of skirts and I'm very careful about the riding up--though at my age, my skirts are longer than that (and the rest of the world is happy about that)!

Susan said...

It is a nice firm and cellutite free bum - who is it?

I doubt I could marry a spitter - I find it so disgusting.

The muscles are bad enough, the shaving of the body is creepy.